The real gift is not under the Christmas tree. Photo by Gareth Harper on Unsplash

My story: How I went from totally disinterested to totally in love with God.

Christmas to me was—parties, drinks, presents, merry-making, heck-yeah.

This is my story of why I’ve changed, decided to accept Jesus, (remained a non-geek), and how Christmas has an entirely new meaning for me.


I was never interested in faith of any kind. Egoistic and self-reliant, I paid top dollars to attend seminars by renowned speakers; walked on fire (burnt my toe), read many famous self-help books.


Christianity? Definitely not on my list. I thought it’s weird, prudish, weak, rude and definitely geeky and boring.


First of all. Christianity deal breakers.

Tension and wars among people of different faiths led me to conclude that religion divides. I did not want to have anything to do with that.

Who needs God? God had nothing to do with me. I refused to believe that Jesus has anything to do with a happy life. I’d seen my share of Christian hypocrites. I’m fine; I’m cool. No, thanks.

Then one day, this thing called marriage happened. I got married to a recent divorcee, with a daughter (sole custody with him), and an ex-wife with unlimited visiting rights. Any goon would have run a mile. But not this goon.

Drumroll…Introducing … the most miserable time of my life.

Before marriage—Happy and so-in-love.
After marriage—Hell.
Instant status of a wife and a step-mother, not pretty.

So naive. I did not realise what I was getting into. I thought as long as I love his then six-year-old daughter as my own, give her a stable and supportive home, we will be a happy family. Nope.

Rejected by his daughter, in-law, trouble from ‘unlimited visiting rights ex-wife’ and a husband caught in-between everything and everyone; are not ingredients for a sweet beginning to our marriage.

I came from an unconditionally loving and accepting family background, so yeah, I had the shock of my life. Slapped awake.
The dreamy-marriage bubble burst. And the nightmare begins.

I was often angry and would burst into a rage at home. I had chest pain from all the outbursts and thought I would collapse from a heart attack one day.

Suicidal thoughts started entering my head as the shouting kept getting worse. I was sane enough to not kill myself as I know either it’s 1) It’s painful. 2) It’s messy.

Oh. Then the husband accepted Christ one year after we got married. Great! We now had one more topic to argue about!


The concept of surrendering and obeying God in the Christian faith was another deal breaker. I don’t get it. It seemed so weak. To some, f* is a revolting word, to me then, the four letter word is o-b-e-y.


I often cried shaking, angry tears. From a happy person, I became cynical, bitter and felt very alone. I had no one to turn to. But outwardly, I look composed.

Still very much a goon, influenced by movies, I kept going away for short breaks thinking that it would help, but that was a lie. The deep pain in my heart did not go away. Hollywood, dang it!


Three nightmarish years later, came the turning point in my life.

Finally, I got so tired of everything, tired of all the fighting, tired of myself. I have nothing left.

I didn’t know when or how, but my hardened heart started to crack slowly.

There was a hairline opening in my heart to let God in. I remembered suddenly getting “it”. I’d realised that all the ugliness in the world was done by people, and had nothing to do with the real God.

I also started to question myself: “I’d been living life my way for 30 years, but despite all I had achieved, all I had done, something was seriously not right… I need help.”

I have attended many seminars, I stayed positive, but nothing seemed to work long-term. What else could I do?


One day, I went with my husband to a church’s 2010 Christmas production, “Mad World”. At the end of the production, I followed the pastor to say a simple prayer.


It was weird as I didn’t think about wanting to accept Jesus at all! But I felt compelled in my heart, to follow along and pray.


As I said this prayer in my heart, I felt my cry for help—

Lord Jesus,
I believe You died for my sins
I am sorry for the things I have done wrong in my life
Please forgive me. I am willing to turn from my way & follow Your way.
Thank you that You died on the cross for me so that I could be forgiven and set free.
I receive You now as my personal Saviour & Lord & invite You to manage my life from this moment. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.


Then, I pursue God.

I told myself that if I want to find out about Christianity, I should go to the right source and discover once and for all.

So I attended Alpha.

Asked loads of stupid questions like “why the heck God planted the tree-of-knowledge in the first place? No tree, no fruits, no eating of fruit, no sin, helloo.”

Finally, after chasing God around, in July 2011, I said, “Yes” again and invited Jesus into my life with the above prayer.

This time, I’m clear and sure. And the exciting journey of getting to know God and drawing close to Him began.


Some years later as a Christian…

I am still in awe of how everything changes when we have God in our lives.
I still talk about Him with sparkling eyes and childlike wonder.
I’m still love-struck.

To someone who is so proud and driven, God has to allow many tough lessons in my life. Sometimes, I do say, boy, being a Christian is tough! Of course, I don’t say ‘boy’ in real life; only Mark Twain will say that.

I struggled daily, DAILY! with God…

I do NOT want to say sorry!
He says: Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. – 1 Corinthians 13:4-5

I do NOT want to forgive! Do you know that person is wrong?
He says: Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. – 1 Corinthians 13:4-5

How can I love such a despicable character person!
He says: Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. – 1 Corinthians 13:7

It’s inconvenient to call, talk, help him/her.
He says: If any one of you has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in you? – 1 John 3:17

I want this and that, God.
He says: Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.- Matthew 6:33

I struggled and wrestled with God, wanting my way.
He says: Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. (Matthew 16:24)


God is teaching me the meaning of life. I have less to complain.

But when I obeyed, all the breakthroughs in my life happened. When I surrendered and let God take the steering wheel, that’s when He flipped my life right-side up.

My blinded eyes were opened to see a lot of things which hardened my heart and gripped my life in the past.
I also realised many things that I thought were the norm weren’t right.


Trusting and accepting Jesus—it is the most liberating thing I ever did. Unshackled my chains. Letting go and letting God into my life.

This is how God showed His love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might LIVE through Him. – 1 John 4: 9

This—is the reason for Christmas.


Here’s the invitation…

His love is for me, you, everyone. It doesn’t matter your past. God offers us forgiveness, freedom, His Spirit to live within us, and eternal life.

To accept the gift, you just have to believe and trust in Jesus. It’s an act of faith.

If you would like to have a relationship with God, here’s a very simple prayer which you can pray. It will be the best gift that you will ever receive. Ever.

Lord Jesus,
I believe You died for my sins
I am sorry for the things I have done wrong in my life
Please forgive me. I am willing to turn from my way & follow Your way.
Thank you that You died on the cross for me so that I could be forgiven and set free.
I receive You now as my personal Saviour & Lord & invite You to manage my life from this moment. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.


If you have prayed that prayer above, here are some suggestions to help you on your new journey.



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