Life lessons

How making the right choices got me through Mother’s Day (happily)

Ever since I became a step mum, Mother’s Day is rarely a happy celebration for me. But, as you’ve read the title of this post, there is a happy ending to my 2017’s Mother’s Day!

The day started with me considering if I am willing to brave the risk of going alone to my church’s Mother’s Day Celebration—risking unhappy feelings being triggered when the church acknowledge all mothers—by asking them to stand up and giving the mothers a gift.

The church is intentional (and sensitive) in being inclusive of all mothers—biological, adoptive, step, spiritual, nannies, guardians; even the domestic helpers who helped to take care of the kids! A lovely gesture.

They would ask the mothers’ kids or husbands to pray for the mother/wife and to also stand beside any mother who is standing alone and pray for her. Another lovely gesture.

However. I don’t want to go through standing up feeling like I’m not a mother, yet I don’t want to sit down and to tell myself the same lie told by people that I’m not one, either.

If you understand feelings—*feelings are learned behaviours that are usually in hibernation until triggered by an external event.

What kind of feeling(s) it will then become varies enormously from person to person and from situation to situation because feelings are shaped by individual temperament and experience.

And years of learned behaviour of feeling rejected is exactly the feeling that I don’t want to be triggered on Mother’s Day.


I told God, sorry God, maybe next year. The wound is too fresh. I know You can heal anything, but I’m just too chicken to go through pain today. I just want today to be a happy one.


So, I won’t dwell on what I don’t have.

Instead, I chose to enjoy the day:

I sent encouraging messages to a few ladies whom I know Mother’s Day is a difficult day for them.

Then, whee! Treated myself to a huge plate of fish & chips which I can’t finish (takeaway!), drank awesome coffee, and wrote for hours!

Later in the day, a gal-friend messaged me with a heartfelt encouragement:

D: Babe… I just wanna say that ur a passionate, strong and soft-hearted woman that cares… I know u don’t feel like the best mum in the world today, but I wanna tell u I see your heart and u did your best beyond yourself…

D: Love you babe 😘Happy Mother’s Day

My weird response?

Me: Awwwww sheesh. Hyuk hyuk hyuk. Tx so much for encouraging me, babe. Much love back.


The icing on the cake!

I spent 1.5 hours making four Mother’s Day flower bouquets to the mothers in my family. With the first half an hour figuring out how the heck to do it! What’s special about giving flowers, you may ask?

Ah, I don’t fancy DIY. And the truth is, I have a tinge of sadness in my heart when I saw families celebrating Mother’s Day in the cafe this morning. So, I should be wallowing in self-pity and eating chocolates. Not.

I made choices.

By divine wisdom, I started the day by choosing not to think the situation any worse than it is. I chose to live and enjoy the moments. Fatty, greasy fish & chips and all!

By divine grace, I chose to see that the dinner is to honour and celebrate Mother’s Day for them. And it’s a joy to be able to give flowers to the mothers in my family.

This Mother’s Day, the thing I’m most grateful for is when I chose to surrender my sadness to God, He gave space in my heart to be able to love and give. And in return—I found joy through loving and giving to others.




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