Posted on

3-part series: What not to say to a grieving or hurting person

My mum went from a robust frame to a shrivelled skin and bones shell due to a 14-month of cancer and chemo hell. I lost her when she was 57 years old. Said my last goodbye with a gentle kiss on her eyelid as I saw her breathed her last breath. We’ll meet again in Heaven, I told her. 

“You know, you shouldn’t be so sad. Your mum is with Jesus now.” said someone with a righteous tone, when I shared about grieving over my mum. My brain felt like shouting angrily at her. I told her sternly with matching, burning eye-contact, “Don’t you dare tell me how to feel or not to feel.”
I think the saving grace was she didn’t quote Bible verses to make her points valid.

The pain and experience of a grieving or hurting person are not for anyone to attempt to understand—but rather to empathize. Click To TweetThe intention of this three-part series is to hopefully help us to better walk alongside those who are hurting. Next week, I’ll share “How can we help a grieving or hurting person?”
For the third part of the series, I’ll share my existing article “Don’t go through (and don’t let someone go through) pain alone.” I think it’ll be a fitting wrap up for the series of “Dealing with those who are hurting”.

I’m certainly still on a learning process as there are no one-size-fits-all set of rules. But I hope this series can help us to be more aware and careful when dealing with these delicate situations.

One golden reminder, at different points in our own lives, the situation will reverse to us being the grieving or hurting person. So, please have this in mind and really, just asking ourselves, how would we like to be at the receiving end of someone’s good intentions?

A three-part series is to hopefully help us to better walk alongside those who are hurting.

Why do our good intention of comforting a grieving or hurting person turned out bad?
It’s safe to say most people have good intentions when faced with a grieving or hurting friend. But, why do some of us ended up alienating the person we wanted to offer comfort and help?

Perhaps it’s to do with our own discomfort with discomfort. We instinctively want order, control, comfort and thus, felt uneasy when things are out of whack. And we subconsciously want to help the grieving or hurting person to “feel better”…although prematurely.

We also don’t know what we don’t know. We can’t really put ourselves in the other person’s shoes simply because we are not them. Yes, we can’t imagine what they are going through, not 100% anyway. So, stop trying to.

We try to logically understand why a grieving or hurting person is saying certain things: “I hate so and so!” “I’m so angry at God!” and we tried to correct them (again, with good intentions). Or they might be asking questions like “What does God want?! Why is He doing this?!”. Please discern whether are they expressing their raw emotions or are they seeking an answer?

From my personal experiences both with grieve and hurts, here’s a guide of what not to say to a grieving or hurting person:

  • You are a strong man/woman.
  • Be strong.
  • Be strong for your children.
  • Chin up.
  • He/she is in a better place. There’s no more suffering.

What does this mean? They don’t need to have to be strong at this moment. By saying that, we have closed the door for them to heal by forcing them to suppress their feelings. I think these statements should be made illegal.

  • God has better plans for you.
  • God has a purpose for you.
  • Maybe it’s God’s will.

We are not God.

  • Bible verses, motivational quotes at the wrong time.

Unless we are so intimately guided by the Holy Spirit to release these words to the hurting, let the person have the space to come to terms with the situation. 

  • I know how you feel.
  • I know how you feel. When I <insert your own experience>

No, we don’t.

  • It’s not as bad as it seems.
  • Look at it this way.
  • Don’t be so sad.
  • Why are you so affected by it?

Don’t belittle their feelings and don’t compare the levels of pain.

The grey areas:

  • How are you?

At the right time, this gives permission for the person to express their feelings. At the wrong time, it’ll feel intrusive. The person might be so down that he or she has no energy to even talk about it. At the worst time, it’ll feel offensive. “My <someone> <died/betrayed/left/cheated>, and you are asking me, how am I?!”

  • Bible verses, comforting quotes.

At the right time, especially if guided by the Holy Spirit, it’ll lend blankets of comfort to the person. At the wrong time, well.

Sigh. I know it’s not easy. We really just want to express our love for the person. However, saying the wrong things with the right intention may risk making a person feel isolated in their pain.  Sometimes all the person need at that point in time is an acknowledgement of their feelings. With that, next week, I’ll share some thoughts about how can we help a grieving or hurting person.

Posted on

Be a celebrator of progress (and stop running yourself and others to the ground)

I like turning ideas in my head into reality. When I have a vision in my mind—that’s my focus. Great for innovating, creating and getting-things-done. The flipside to this tendency though is I can be so tunnel-vision to the point of being impatient to wait for those crucial in-between steps, before reaching whatever I’d define as “achieved”.

I used to be highly driven too and sometimes run myself and others to the ground. I also have remnants of an idealistic nature that are still being skimmed away.

However, as I’m being ahem*, educated by things-happening-in-my-life-which-I-can’t-control (plenty!), I’m learning to see and handle what I envisioned differently.

I’m getting slightly better at “being a better human”! Learning to recognise the little steps of faith; appreciating the little steps of progression. I’m also taking delight in giving thanks for the in-between steps, for those are the connectors that’ll take us from A to B, or wherever our defined end game is.

With that, here are four wins when we celebrate progress:

We’ll be kinder
Know what? Celebrating progress is one of the ways to be kind—to ourselves; to others. When we harp on what we have fixated or idealised in our mind, we might have a tendency to be pushier. It’s neither encouraging nor helps someone or you to move forward. Who likes to be beaten up? We’d be a better leader when we know how to coach people by one encouraging progress at a time.

We’ll be an encourager
We might be oblivious to the progress someone has made because we are so focused on the end result. We equate arriving at the big win as the ultimate goal; failing to recognise that steps taken in moving forward counts, and we might neglect to acknowledge the person who has made progress. When we learn to give thanks and be happy for the now-steps, we encourage people to continue on.

We get things done
We get things done too. Because by not focusing on all or nothing, we achieve more. Let’s say we wanna get fitter, instead of obsessing over the goal, have a realistic plan and just focus on getting the day’s scheduled exercise done. Then, focus on the next day, and the next. In fact, this is my operation plan now. Tackling one thing we can do not only takes the pressure off, but it also gives us a sense of accomplishment for that day. Let progress be the motivator to connect us to our goals.

We can rest better
We may be fighting for a cause or something to happen which seems impossible to be achieved in our lifetime. Until and unless we learn to celebrate every progress and trust in the sovereign Lord, we may soon find ourselves exhausted in our spirit.

Be a celebrator of progress. I think we could end up to be a better teacher, lover, friend, parent, boss, coach, husband, wife. 

Posted on

When I Placed God In Second Place

It crept up on me. I don’t know when it started. The last month? The last six months? Last year?! I didn’t realise as I was slowly smothered by cares and concerns, distracted by desires and discouragements; God became second place in my heart. Just one degree off, little by little. And He no longer is my centre of adoration and life in my life. I still love Him. I’m still on the journey with Him. What I wasn’t careful with—I’ve allowed good intentions and desires to take the place where God is supposed to. Robbing my unadulterated joy and contentment when—God is enough. 

I want Him back to take first place in my heart. 

Praying the same for all of us. To not pursue the temporal to fill the temporal. But to have a simple devotion to God who is the only One who can completely fill the void in us.

Everlasting God (New Life Worship)

One thing I know that I have found
Through all the troubles that surround
You are the Rock that never fails, You never fail
One thing I know that I believe
Through every blessing I receive
You are the only One that stays, You always stay
Chorus
You never change, You’re still the same
You are the Everlasting God
You will remain after the day is gone and the things of earth have passed
Everlasting God
Posted on

Easter series: Three truths to peace (my earthquake story)

“Attention please: Due to the earthquake, the train will be stopped temporarily.”

Earthquake? What earthquake? I was dozing off in the underground train to the airport when the train stopped with the sudden announcement.
I looked out the window. Dark. Surrounded by the underground tunnel.

The announcement repeated in loops; reinforcing the fact.

Somehow there’s still internet reception, so I googled “earthquake Taiwan”. Found out there’s a 6.1 magnitude earthquake somewhere.

All the passengers were quiet. Are they “seasoned, earthquake-experienced” Taiwanese? I wondered.

“Lord, help us to be safe,” I prayed in my heart.

I didn’t feel any tremors. But uncertainty hangs in the air. Will we be ok? How bad could this be? Movie scenes of people trapped in rubble flashed through my mind.

“Lord, whatever it is, You’ll be here with us to go through it,” I prayed with assurance, and to assure my heart.

Then came the second announcement: “All trains service suspended. Please alight from the train.”

Droves of people trudged out the train with their luggage. Some went straight up the elevator, while I stood there on the platform with my husband wondering, where do we go now?

The third announcement came: “All passengers, please leave the train and platform for your safety.”

We doubled it outta there. Managed to hail a Uber after no taxi was available due to the sudden surge of passengers (or those who weren’t fleecing victims with hiked-up fees). Thank God, we’ve made it to catch the flight with merely half an hour between reaching the airport, dropping off our two big cycling bags and boarding the plane! Somehow, we miraculously boarded the plane.

“Thank you, Lord, thank you, Lord, thank you, Lord,” I prayed.

The next day, as I sat quietly back home in my living room, thinking of the incident, I can’t help but proclaim, “I’m glad I have God.”
Because—who do I pray to and go for help?

When we’ve exhausted all human efforts, and our last string is frayed to a point of breaking, where and who do we go to?

For me, knowing who God is—omniscient (all-knowing), omnipotent (all-powerful), omnipresent(all-present); gave me the absolute, irreplaceable assurance that when things are beyond my control, God is still in control of everything. Even things I don’t quite understand.

It’s in times of desperation, when all hell breaks loose in our fallen world, I know without an ounce of doubt that He will either bring me out of it or through it. He is the only certainty in this life.

And if that earthquake day is my last day, I know where I’m heading to.

And though far from perfect, I did all I could in my life that hopefully counts in eternity.

These three truths: about the Almighty God, the death and resurrection of Jesus, and living with what really matters in mind, formed a foundation of peace in me which (when I remember to stop striving and fretting!), I fall back on time and again when things in life get crazy…or “earthquake-dy”.

Speaking of crazy, here’s a text conversation about that earthquake incident:
Friend: “Thank God for His covering! These moments feel like a lifetime when your life flashes before you.”
Me: “I didn’t have that moment. Just thinking of how to pee if we r crashed in. 🤣 (Sh*t that goes through my mind when in danger.) 
And that I have God. Period.“

You know the story of how Adam landed us in the dilemma we’re in—first sin, then death, and no one exempt from either sin or death. That sin disturbed relations with God in everything and everyone, but the extent of the disturbance was not clear until God spelled it out in detail to Moses. So death, this huge abyss separating us from God, dominated the landscape from Adam to Moses. Even those who didn’t sin precisely as Adam did by disobeying a specific command of God still had to experience this termination of life, this separation from God. But Adam, who got us into this, also points ahead to the One who will get us out of it. Romans 5:12-14 the Msg

Now may the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.
Hebrews 13:20-21 NIV

Further reading:

Why Easter in 2 minutes

The first man and woman God created fell for Satan’s deception; sin entered man and the world. 
That’s the start of the separation of an eternal, loving relationship between God and man. 
Satan = death, eternal separation from God and eternal suffering and pain. 
God sent Jesus to the world. 
Jesus Christ is the promised Messiah and Savior of the world.
Three days after His crucifixion and death on the cross, Jesus rose from the dead (resurrected)
He laid down His life and died for us (a sacrifice) and paid the full penalty for the sin of mankind.
With the resurrection, Jesus defeated Satan and the power of sin and death. For all who believe in Him will restore that eternal loving relationship with God and have eternal life in Christ Jesus. 

If this spoke to you, here’s a prayer to invite Jesus into (or back into) your life. 

Lord Jesus,
I believe You died for my sins
I am sorry for the things I have done wrong in my life
Please forgive me. I am willing to turn from my way & follow Your way.
Thank you that You died on the cross for me so that I could be forgiven and set free.
I receive You now as my personal Saviour & Lord & invite You into my life from this moment. In Jesus’ name, I pray, Amen.

Posted on

Easter series: The Saturday before Easter Sunday most people ignored

Good Friday is the day where Christians commemorate the crucifixion of Jesus and his subsequent death.
Easter is celebrated by Christians as a remembrance of the resurrection of Jesus Christ, where Jesus rose from the dead three days after being crucified on the cross. It’s celebrated on Sunday. That’s why sometimes it’s referred to as Easter Sunday. 

Good Friday is “good” because we know what came on Sunday after the Friday when Jesus was crucified on the cross. We know three days later, Jesus rose from the dead.

We know the final score—victory. 

However, it wasn’t the case back then for the disciples and his friends who mourned for Jesus. Seeing Jesus took His last breath on the cross after being horribly tortured, crucified, humiliated. What happened to the Messiah, the Lord who performed miracles, who loved all, who said He’ll be with them, who’ll save them? He’s dead!  What happened to hope?

Can we imagine what was it like for them on that Saturday? That awful silence of hopelessness. Where’s God?!


 If there’s no resurrection, the entire Christian faith has no unshakable hope to offer anyone. 

But Christians (and even some non-Christians) know. We know the fact that Jesus will come alive three days after He died. And years after years, we have been celebrating and remembering this day we called Easter. If there’s no resurrection, the entire Christian faith has no unshakable hope to offer anyone. I would really then ask, what’s the point of anything?!

We celebrate Good Friday and Easter Sunday. But sometimes we may skip that in-between Saturday waiting room of our lives. 

We may become frustrated. Anxious. 
But nothing is as tragic as losing and giving up hope because we’ve forgotten about that Saturday. The in-between. 

I’m no theologian, but I choose to see a life lesson as to why the wait of that Saturday? Why not resurrect earlier? Perhaps it’s one of God’s ways for us in having faith? In identifying with hopelessness? In joining Him in suffering and through that, develop depth and compassion for others who are suffering? In deepening our dependency on Him? In developing patience? 

Without grasping this, we may get disheartened, disappointed, even furious at God, stomping away from Him when we couldn’t receive “the good life” we want. Maybe we have been faithfully following God when things happened in our life that provoked us to interrogate Him—why are You doing this to me?!

But since we know the final score, let’s persist in faith as we sit, wait, do, lament, hope for whatever we are waiting for. And know that even in the silence of the tomb, God’s with us. 

Waiting is one of the hardest things to do. It tests us. It tests our faith, our resilience, our patience. It reveals to us our relationship with God. It reveals to us who we are inside while we are in the waiting room. 

What’s your waiting room?

Further reading if you’d like:

Why Easter in 2 minutes

The first man and woman God created fell for Satan’s deception; sin entered man and the world. That’s the start of the separation of an eternal, loving relationship between God and man. 

Satan = death, eternal separation from God and eternal suffering and pain. God sent Jesus to the world. Jesus Christ is the promised Messiah and Savior of the world.

Three days after His crucifixion and death on the cross, Jesus rose from the dead (resurrected)He laid down His life and died for us (a sacrifice) and paid the full penalty for the sin of mankind.

With the resurrection, Jesus defeated Satan and the power of sin and death. For all who believe in Him will restore that eternal loving relationship with God and have eternal life in Christ Jesus. 

If this spoke to you, here’s a prayer to invite Jesus into (or back into) your life.

Lord Jesus,
I believe You died for my sins
I am sorry for the things I have done wrong in my life
Please forgive me. I am willing to turn from my way & follow Your way.
Thank you that You died on the cross for me so that I could be forgiven and set free.
I receive You now as my personal Saviour & Lord & invite You into my life from this moment. In Jesus’ name, I pray, Amen.

Receive the HopeMail newsletter on Sundays.

I send one article a week exclusively to this mailing list before it’s posted on this site and anywhere else.

There’s no spam. Just honest, useful content to help walk toward a joyful life. Why not join us?

Send me HopeMail!


 

Posted on

Easter series: If Jesus writes a letter about suffering and betrayal

Sometimes God speaks in the first person. That’s how personal He is in our relationship with Him. Perhaps, He is speaking to some of you who are reading this. –Dear child,
I’ve suffered. I get it. I get you. I’ve been there. In the darkest pit; in the most traumatic pain. Rejected by those who loved me. 

“I am poured out like water, and all my bones are out of joint. My heart has turned to wax; it has melted away within me. My strength is dried up like a potsherd, and my tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth; you lay me in the dust of death. Dogs have surrounded me; a band of evil men has encircled me, they have pierced my hands and my feet. I can count all my bones; people stare and gloat over me. They divide my garments among them and cast lots for my clothing.” Psalm 22:14–18  ESV

But I suffered for a cause—so that God’s will may be fulfilled. 

“Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done” Luke 22:42 NIV

I’ve gone through it all and paid all debts, once and for all your past, present and future wrongs.

“God made him who had no sin to be sin for us” 2 Corinthians 5:21 ESV

Most of all, I’ve made a way to connect you back to God, to an eternal, loving relationship. 

John 3:16 says, “For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.”

I’ve given you the ultimate hope that no one and nothing could ever snatch away from you. The Devil’s scheme is defeated. Death is beaten. 

“But it has now been revealed through the appearing of our Savior, Christ Jesus, who has destroyed death and has brought life and immortality to light through the gospel.” 2 Timothy 1:10 NIV

Suffering will one day cease. 

“He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” Revelation 21:4 NIV

I’m here, my child. In your darkest pit, I’m with you. Even though you can’t see me, I’m with you, you are not alone. Don’t give up. Don’t lose hope. I love you. I always have; I always will.
You're Gonna Be Ok (Lyric Video) - Brian & Jenn Johnson

I know it's all you've got to just be strong
And it's a fight just to keep it together
I know you think that you are too far gone
But hope is never lost
Hope is never lost

Hold on, don't let go
Hold on, don't let go

Just take one step closer
Put one foot in front of the other
You'll get through this
Just follow the light in the darkness
You're gonna be ok

I know your heart is heavy from those nights
But just remember that you are a fighter
You never know just what tomorrow holds
And you're stronger than you know
You're stronger than you know

Hold on, don't let go
Hold on, don't let go

Just take one step closer
Put one foot in front of the other
You'll get through this
Just follow the light in the darkness
You're gonna be ok

Just take one step closer
Put one foot in front of the other
You'll get through this
Just follow the light in the darkness
You're gonna be ok

Receive the HopeMail newsletter on Sundays.

I send one article a week exclusively to this mailing list before it’s posted on this site and anywhere else.

There’s no spam. Just honest, useful content to help walk toward a joyful life. Why not join us?

Send me HopeMail!


 

Posted on

Simplifying to a less is more life

My journey of living a less is more life started in 2017 when I sense the increasing murmur of my soul that it-needs-space. I just felt this urge to wanna back off, retreat from the noise of the world: the constant notifications of text messages, 360-degree life demands, the taunting comparison of life and beauty from carefully-curated photos on Instagram, the unending new arrivals from those fast fashion behemoths; even—church. 

All the things that used to command my attention—like moths to light—started to repel me. 

When my world spun out of control two years ago—the noise of our world’s more! bigger! better! faster! added to my chaos, crowding me in. I desperately needed stability, so I ran to God, the One who’s unchanging and certain. The Anchor in this rough sea of life. 

In wanting God; I craved for more solitude and silence. I just felt like pushing the noises away. Instinctively, I started on a decluttering and simplifying mission to purge all that is taking up space in my heart, to reduce the external noises to help increase the internal silence of my heart. And enlarge my space for God. 

Things I’ve decluttered (in no particular order)

Social media (not surprising, yes?) 
I’ve been fidgeting with the purpose of my personal social media accounts for a few years. Finally, I’ve taken action on my conclusion that it’s not doing me or people on my friends and followers list any good. I deactivated both my Facebook and Instagram accounts. One step short from deleting them, zapped. 

Text notifications
I learnt to mute all group notifications as chats can turn quite crazy and distracting. And I try as much as possible to not glue the phone to my hand. This helped to retrain my phone-checking habit. It’s ridiculous how phone notifications have tamed man to be so obedient in instantaneously responding to any dings and beeps. 

Airplane mode
After a few anxious tries (of thinking the world would crash without me), I can now easily put my phone on airplane mode or simply be temporarily unreachable when I don’t have to, with ease. After all, the people who need to contact me in matters of real urgency know who else to call to reach me. Those of us who use our phone app to read the Bible might relate to the distractions from the notifications while reading the Bible and listening to His words. Imagine a real-life date when you are talking to someone and that someone keeps checking their phone. 

Put away the phone
As you can see, all the above are related to smartphone usage. Well, the phone might be smart, but the user behaviour is certainly not. The often neck-tilting, head-bowing (ah, worshipping thy phone, are we?), thumbs tapping and people-excluding habit gotta go.

I tasted the freedom of not having to do anything with my phone when I spent four days at The Nest, Maxwell Hill in Taiping (a gorgeous, secluded bungalow lovingly tended by a couple). I didn’t know there is no internet reception there. But, I was glad. Those four days in 2018 were one of the best days of the year where my attention wasn’t scattered.

I was hooked to having such a peaceful focus so I applied this new practice to my daily life—putting aside the phone while I focus on my work, task, or people in front of me. I get so much more quality work done in a day with less tiredness, that’s what I can tell you. 

Clothes
I’m never a big shopper and wouldn’t call my wardrobe as excessive, compared to the norm, I think. But I know I regularly wear only 20% of what’s in my wardrobe. The rest of the 80% are taking up space, both physical wardrobe space, and mind space. To make a decision on what to wear, I need to always go through 80% of clothes I don’t wear anyway. So, I gave away 80% of my clothes, some of which I hung on because it’s so pretty (but I don’t wear certain styles of clothes anymore). I only kept the 20 % that can I easily mix and match and feel comfortable and confident in. You’ll be amazed the relieve of not having to make these outfit-matching decisions daily. 

Stuff at home
Hubs and I gave away more than 60% of our stuff at home. Stuff we kept for just-in-case situations and keepsakes. The chosen ones (hee hee) were things we know we’d often use. Though we gave away stuff, we also bought new stuff to accommodate our desires of having people coming over our home for meals. So we bought more cutleries, plates, and even a TV to run Alpha, Prayer Course or The Marriage Course. Ya, we didn’t have a TV for years. 

Content
Contents about life, growing in my faith, etc. might be good, but may not be the best for me. Too many articles, how-to this, 5 ways that, books, and podcasts. There’s a danger of skipping past what God is trying to tell me, to find quick answers to fix my problems. I wanna get the focus right with God as no one knows me as well as God does. Also, the overloading of content adds to the noise of daily life and takes up time too. So, nowadays, I am more intentional with the content I consume. That’s also one of the reasons I deactivated Facebook. Just too much stuff there. 

Moreism
I want God more in my life. And I often made the mistake of equating it to more Bible reading = more of God in my life. Or boxing God into any spiritual discipline = more of God in my life. I heard of people who went on spiritual retreats thinking because they have extended time (away from their work and chores), surely they will hear God more. But God doesn’t fall into our neat, little boxes. He often just wants us to like a kid, climb onto their father’s lap, and just be with Him. As simple as that.

So, I’m reminding myself to cease striving in this area. Case in point, after one of my Bible reading, I just couldn’t “get” anything to write in my devotion journal. Then, this voice in my head went, it’s ok. And this was my note instead of some deep, reflective thoughts:

Wanting God more in my life is great, but I gotta cease striving for it as if it’s something that I can achieve on my own. 

Church
I’m becoming more aware of the noises that can be in the church. Sometimes it gets so busy that at one point in time, I just felt so jaded of it all. I think what I’m trying to say is, I’m sifting through being a church and busy doing church. Huge difference. 

With all these being decluttered, I’m finding myself to be more at peace and less distracted. Granted, I have loads more to declutter—those inner junk, that hidden grieve, that puffed-up pride. But I’m glad I’ve taken the first step and responded to the distress call of my soul to give her some quiet. And to continue this journey of simplifying to a less is more life with my Lord. 

Receive the HopeMail newsletter on Sundays.

I send one article a week exclusively to this mailing list before it’s posted on this site and anywhere else.

There’s no spam. Just honest, useful content to help walk toward a joyful life. Why not join us?

Send me HopeMail!


 

Posted on

Where does our hope come from?

If you’ve been reading my articles, you’d have noticed that though the theme of my website and newsletter is “read articles and find resources to walk towards a joyful life”—I rarely have “ten ways to find hope in life, five secrets to find joy” kind of prescriptive articles. 
Because—life is anything but prescriptive. 
And—what do I know to tell you what to do?

There are also plenty of those articles on the internet and self-help books. I’m certainly not dismissing the value of those content for I too, at times, find some of them useful for moments in my life. 

At the same time though, I also felt swamped with well-meaning advice, tips and tools and what-have-yous. Sometimes, it even diverted me away from my true Counsellor. 

For who can know us ever so intimately than our Maker? Every worm, every sinew, every desire, every wicked thought, every hunger, every fear—He knew it before we did. Therefore our Maker is indeed the best personalised, bespoke, artisan Counsellor we could ever have. The greatest thing is? He will always come to us from a position of love and our best interests even if it’s sometimes, tough love. 

So what I’m saying is, the core of my articles is distilled into the title of my website: Knowing God—Finding Hope. And it’s in that order. 

And maybe my role is: through my writing, to nudge you to know God increasingly more in whatever ways (I’m absolutely sure God has His divine way for each of us), and through that—to find true, unwavering hope in Jesus amidst troubles—and walk towards a joyful life.

*Image: From The Message Bible, by Eugene Peterson.

Receive the HopeMail newsletter on Sundays.

I send one article a week exclusively to this mailing list before it’s posted on this site and anywhere else.

There’s no spam. Just honest, useful content to help walk toward a joyful life. Why not join us?

Send me HopeMail!


 

Posted on

Bye 2018, hi 2019

Here’s my look back to 2018 and look forward to 2019.

My 2018 theme
Rest through soul harmony

I like having a theme for the year. It keeps me focused on one key leverage which pulls every other thing together. Kinda like having a strategy and then aligning the tactical plans with it. 

With this theme, I was more intentional than before to centre my life on God and cultivating a close relationship with Him. 
That was to become the domino effect that caused a chain reaction to all areas of my life.  

More chilled, less rigid (in my “standard”)
I’m a creative person who likes systems. And that’s how I approach my Bible reading and spending *quiet time with God: systematically. However, there were murmurs from my soul which started in 2017, that it wanted to slow down and rest (in God). So, I took action.

In 2018, I learnt to be more chilled and go-with-the-flow-ish, less goal-driven and achievement-centric, which is not my typical Choleric, Type A behaviour. My quiet time because less structured, less measured and sometimes it can just be a time soaking in God’s presence and worship. Probably explains why I couldn’t complete the one-year Bible reading plan. I supposed God knows what I needed most for the season. In 2018 I learnt to: so be it; let it be. 

*An article from CRU.org explained quiet time as “a point during each day when we remove ourselves from the busyness of schoolwork, dorm life, and the ever-increasing demands of Facebook to spend time praying, reading God’s Word, and quietly listening to what God has to say to us.”

Less is more 
2018 was also big for me in “less is more-ism”. I became increasingly less accepting (ha, increasingly less, that’s an oxymoron!) of the world’s bigger, faster, better.

I think—in losing things, losing people, death to my misaligned dreams, and losing control (of which I never had anyway) did a brilliant job in making me realise what is really important in life. The first and most important is relationships. First with God, with that, everyone else. I think relationships are the only thing that will last after I die. And I want to leave behind memories with people that they are loved and they are important. But more than the flawed love of mine, God loves them whether they messed up or not. 

Turning points and shifts in 2018

Work
I stepped out from my five years of church communications work with no concrete plans of what’s next. Then with no part of mine in planning—joined a non-profit organisation seven months later. My work’s role purpose is to enhance the fundraising team’s ability to generate funds by writing compelling donor proposals and reports, and innovating the proposals and reports’ processes and systems. 

Write
Mid 2018 was the first time I dared to call myself a writer. When a new acquaintance asked me what do I do, I figured out saying, “I’m a writer,” sounds better than “I’m jobless.” It’s also the first time I have the word “writer” on my name card when I took up the fundraising writing role in the non-profit organisation. So now it’s official. “What do you do?” “I’m a writer.” 🙂

Looking ahead to 2019

My 2019 theme
Training (flex bicep emoji) 

The word “training” became clear to me as I looked ahead to what I want to do in 2019. I think after 2018’s “rest through soul harmony”, God knows I’m more ok with knowing what to drop and what to take on, yet with lesser striving. Hence, training is apt as I expand beyond my comfort zone. 

Health; cycling
I want to be able to cycle, travel and tour around with my husband. That means I got to have endurance and strength: strong core, quads, arm strength (to carry the bicycle up and down staircases!) minus the back and knee pain. 
I gotta train: schedule my workout instead of letting five days slipped by without knowing!

Writing; work
I want to consistently produce a weekly article for HopeMail without burning out in the long run. Work-wise, I want to improve my skills—writing compelling proposals and clear reports which our donors would love to read and take action upon.

I also want to have an accelerated learning curve for fundraising and the organisation I’m working with. Perhaps even tinker with Indesign (design software). Did you know that documents look awesome-r with Indesign? 
I gotta train: schedule regular writing time to practice how I deliver my written messages and to learn new skills. 

Bible reading; prayer
I yearn to draw closer to God. What’s great is there’s no limit to how deep and intimate a relationship with God can be. So I read the Bible—as God speaks through His words in the Bible “to inform my mind, inspire my heart, and instruct my behaviour”. (Borrowing a favourite quote from my pastor.) Where else prayer forms the foundation to everything!

These two spiritual disciplines have yet to be on auto-mode for me. Given the chance on certain days, I’d choose to do other things than reading the Bible. As for prayer, yes, I will still forget to pray and rely on my own wit and strength, resulting in stress and time-wasting.  
I gotta train: intentionally build the habit of setting aside a daily time of reading the Bible. And instead of worrying or doing things my own way, to always pray, pray, pray and let God direct my steps. 

By the way, for my workout, quiet time, and daily reflection, I’m using a habit-building app called Strides and it’s helping to keep me on track. 

Another fantastic way of keeping up with regular Bible reading is to use the app, Youversion. It has a feature for you to invite people to read the Bible together using a Bible plan where you can share your thoughts from the Bible passages with the group. My group has three people. We kept it small to reduce noise. This has worked marvellously for me as seeing my friends’ sharing motivates me to follow the Bible-reading plan daily.

To make prayer an ongoing posture and habit, I’ve set the alarm clock to go off twice a day, reminding me to pause and pray, especially throughout my work day. Something as simple as setting the alarm clock worked like magic. I look forward to increasing the frequency until prayer is ingrained in me and I have a greater sense of abiding and communing with God. I learnt this tip from The Prayer Course: a six interactive sessions for small groups based on The Lord’s Prayer, covering topics such as intercession, dealing with disappointment, learning to listen and spiritual warfare.

Hospitality; care
God is working in me and my husband’s hearts, moving us from a more inward-living lifestyle to outward-living, serving others. Having people over for meals and spills; making time and space for others, etc. 
I gotta train: is there a workout to expand our hearts? 😛

That wraps my look back to 2018 and look forward to 2019. Do you have a theme for your 2019? How do you look ahead to this year? I’d be happy to hear from you. 

Receive the HopeMail newsletter on Sundays.

I send one article a week exclusively to this mailing list before it’s posted on this site and anywhere else.

There’s no spam. Just honest, useful content to help walk toward a joyful life. Why not join us?

Send me HopeMail!


 

Posted on

Great Battles Are Won From Daily Practise And Preparation

I’m not sure if it’s just me, or it’s a common thing for humans to overemphasise “bigness”. 
Big goals, big dreams, big victories, big improvements, big endings. 

I’m primarily a big picture person. I get excited over the vision I see in my mind and can be pretty driven to wanna get to the end game. Maybe that’s why I haven’t taken a great liking to artistic things like painting. It requires me to patiently, one brush at a time, one stroke at a time, inch to the completed picture I have in mind. 

In the pursuit of the big somethings, the known goals; I often forget that the process is the bridge to whatever that I’m pursuing. 

Read the entire Bible in one year, one day at a time.
Change toxic or unhealthy thoughts pattern, one thought, one day at a time. 
Stop being a complainer, one grateful attitude at a time. 

I celebrate success when I hit what I wanna achieve. 
But what about those little steps, those brush strokes that’ll eventually complete the picture?
What about those small battles, fought daily?
The small winnings that add up to a big victory?

When I read about David & Goliath from the Bible, I used to be wowed by how a small, shepherd boy brought down, literally, a giant whom other more equipped soldiers dare not fight. With one stone, a single shot from his slingshot—David hit the giant in between the eye, and the giant came toppling down. David became an instant hero. Wasn’t that a great show of how an underdog won the battle?

But the Holy Spirit revealed something else to me. 

As a shepherd, David had hours and years of practice aiming at and hitting lions and bears with his slingshot to protect his sheep from being attacked. Big and vicious beasts. It wasn’t his debut when he faced Goliath the giant. It wasn’t his maiden shot either in using the slingshot. 
David was prepared.

He had gone through the process, the little steps every day; sometimes failing, sometimes winning, but he keeps going on faithfully. God was preparing him to face the giant without him knowing it. 

We don’t go looking around for giants to fight. But those giants will come. Whatever giants that might come, be it in the form of adversities or opportunities, it’s in how we live our day-to-day that will prepare us for what’s ahead in the future. 

Preparedness is paying attention to what’s in our hands, as mundane and routine as it sometimes can be. 

Preparedness is being diligent with our daily work, whether a student, homemaker, or office worker. For we’ll never know when and how the dots will connect if we first don’t draw those dots one-by-one. 

For me, preparedness can be in faithfully writing and sharing even when I think there’s no audience reading. 

Preparedness is respecting our transition or even incubation period. It’s unsettling when we see no sight of shore after the end of a season, and we just wanna move on to a new season. But perhaps, we are not ready for a new season? So, pay attention to what’s happening now, what’s needed to be done now, and do it faithfully. 

Preparedness is the daily time with God in prayer, reading His words from the Bible, and quietening our hearts to hear him. For there will always be times where what was deposited in our hearts will be needed—to intercede, to forgive, to pray, to go into a battle. 

Preparedness is in getting better every day; when we choose not to ruminate on those unhealthy thoughts and replace them with whatever that is true, gracious, beautiful. 

Don’t look down on our daily processes and battles. 

“David said, “I’ve been a shepherd, tending sheep for my father. Whenever a lion or bear came and took a lamb from the flock, I’d go after it, knock it down, and rescue the lamb. If it turned on me, I’d grab it by the throat, wring its neck, and kill it. Lion or bear, it made no difference—I killed it. And I’ll do the same to this Philistine who is taunting the troops of God-Alive. GOD, who delivered me from the teeth of the lion and the claws of the bear, will deliver me from this Philistine.” Saul said, “Go. And GOD help you!”
‭‭1 Samuel‬ ‭17:34-37‬ ‭MSG‬‬


*Image credit: By Majumwo – Own work, CC BY-SA 4.0

Preparedness in and through God, in knowing who God is—gives confidence in a battle. 

May we fight the good fight—being wise, being diligent, being faithful with what God has currently placed in our hands.

Receive the HopeMail newsletter on Sundays.

I send one article a week exclusively to this mailing list before it’s posted on this site and anywhere else.

There’s no spam. Just honest, useful content to help walk toward a joyful life. Why not join us?

Send me HopeMail!