If I knew this would be the last

If I knew this would be…

The last time I can kiss you

The last time I can smell your hair

The last time I can hear you say, love, love you

The last time you can smile

The last time you can laugh

The last time we can walk hand-in-hand along the seaside

The last time you can call my phone

I would have said everything I need to say to you when you still can respond to me

“If I knew this would be the last”… is a terrible thing to say, and a terrible feeling to have.

All road leads to grief

22.11.2012 10:14am
I think I can understand why people get angry in challenging situations.

It’s one of the defense mechanism.

It’s an ‘easier’ feeling than to face the knife cuts of your heart.

Get angry, blame someone, blame God.

But where does that leads to?


In those times, who then can you rely on? But God and God alone.

So I chose not to entertain anger. I pray that I don’t fall into the devil’s trap.

Sidney Mohede Slalu Bersamaku

This song is on my playlist non-stop.
Amazingly beautiful song. You can feel the pain of the experience yet the assurance and comfort of God at the same time.

It was indeed aptly written when he was going through a difficult season in his life.

As I’m too, going through now.

Only the Lord can comfort the deepest pain in our heart.

My first poem

Never thought I’m a person who would write a poem, but there you go. Inspired by the love of God.

As I lay on my bed
I think of days passed by
And I thank you Lord
For Your guidance on how to live my life

Grace, kindness, love
And joy in my heart
This You impart

Shrewd as a serpent
Innocent as a dove
What a concept!
That only can come from the heavens above!

Allow me to be your humble servant
Show me the way
To use your gifts to me
And serve others in Your glorious ways.

I thank you Father
For it could only be You
Who can change my heart
And let me live my life anew.

Learning the irony of pursuing Sabbath

Because ‘pursuit’ by itself means you are holding tight to the reins instead of letting go… to Him.
As I’m parched and thirsty to find rest amidst this hurried world, I shall then ‘pursue’ to understand what does Sabbath truly means. And not focus to desperately cling to DO the ‘actions’ of what I half know Sabbath is.

I found this article and found some strong aha here for me. I just absolutely love being in Christ as I relearn about life. (Rather, had I ever learn it prior to knowing Him?)

Excerpts from the article

So then, there remains a sabbath rest for the people of God [it is available to us now]; for whoever enters God’s rest also ceases from his labors as God did from his. (Hebrews 4:9-10)

God knew that this would be our problem. He understands us. Nothing is hidden from him; he knows exactly the way we operate. Therefore he has designed an adequate provision for our weakness, teaching us how to operate on an entirely different basis, to no longer look to oneself but to look to the one who dwells within; to expect him to do something through you, using your mind, your will, your emotions, your feelings, but it is he who does the work. But unless you begin to count on his working you will never experience it.

Right here comes the seventh factor, the one serious problem which remains. Christians say again and again, Why is this so difficult to do? Why do I have so much trouble? Why is it that Hebrews 4:11 goes on to say,

“Let us therefore strive to enter that rest, that no one fall by the same sort of disobedience.”

Why must we work at this?

Some seem able to learn it, and from time to time we see someone virtually come alive and their Christian life is simply transformed by learning to operate on this principle.

They lose their egotism, as extroverts; or they lose their introverted feeling of self-consciousness. They begin to do things and to enjoy them, experiencing the blessing and excitement of Christian living.

“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30)

Back in the days of the old West, the oxen teams that came across the prairies were yoked together with a great, wooden yoke, made to fit over the necks of two oxen. A yoke is always made for two, never for one. Jesus was a carpenter, and in the carpenter shop in Nazareth, he often made yokes. From this, he draws this very apt simile.

“Enter into the yoke with me,” he says, “you on one side; I on the other.”

When you enter into the yoke with Jesus Christ you give up the right to determine what your life may be. You expect him to direct you.

“Except a corn of wheat fall into the ground and die, it abides alone; but if it die, it brings forth much fruit.” (John 12:24 KJV)

The reason why you cannot enter into the joy and glory and excitement of the rest which God has provided in ceasing from your own activities and resting upon his, is because, in some way or another, you are protecting some area of the ego, the self-life, saying, “This is mine; keep your hands off.” As long as you do that you cannot have rest.

Rest is the secret of human fruitfulness. As you consent to this, a wonderful thing will begin to happen. You will find rest. Jesus said you would

If you are as hungry and straining to learn about Sabbath- rest, read more here

I shall continue my wonderful journey too.


Why seminars don’t work for me?

I finally realized why.
It’s self-reliance. It’s relying on self-strength, self-belief… And self-limitations.

One crucial ingredient is missing in any thousand dollars seminar of any sort: Trust, Surrender, Obey. Ok, that’s 3 ingredients.

And I’ve paid thousands of dollars. It worked for awhile, but it was not life-changing. It didn’t work because it’s not “changing from the inside out”; it’s not “leading from the inside out”.

And to whom, to what, do you Trust, Surrender, Obey to but God?
Would you surrender to anyone smaller than God?

Slow down so that you can move faster

As my lifestyle becomes increasingly hectic according to the normal definition – shuttling between two cities weekly to give support to mom on her cancer healing, building my business, my own family… Wanted to just vegetate inside the house this weekend.

I decided to give my daughter and her sleep-over friend a treat by taking them down to our pool. That, and I’m spending time anyway to read my bible. Kill two birds with one stone. It will be a nice change of environment.

With coffee in the flask, my iPhone- TuneIn radio and Joy.fm on, the pace slows down.

Time and again I find that when I stop pushing so hard and quiet down to saturate myself in God’s words, songs, Spirit… Answers came to me, I see the problem from a different perspective.

And it’s always exciting and very, very relieving to stop pushing but instead go to the centre of the storm and find peace, go with the wave and leverage with its force to nudge me forward.

I probably won’t be totally ‘cured’ from falling into the worldly trap of wanting to grab the control on my own, but I strongly know that I’m getting better with my Father patiently moulding me.

I’m thankful that He asked me to slow down so that I can move faster.

The Christian life is very much counter-intuitive. We can choose to live by His Words or by this world and its worldly ways.

Think technology is connecting you with everyone?

I love tech. I really do. What’s not to love?

Use it right, it’s mighty powerful to do & move lots of things in my work and my life. From making it so easy for me to share my moments with my close family to make the business world a tad closer though it’s 9363.92 miles apart!

But, really. What’s not to love?…

When it overtakes you, overtakes the people around you.

Been seeing people in restaurants, in pubs… staring at their phones, and not engaging with the person in front of them.

So connected, yet so not.

I say, put aside the constant beeping and notifications. Focus on the person in front of you. It takes time and effort to arrange a meetup. Appreciate that. 🙂

Anti-anxiety-attack prayer

A non-medicated way to combat worries and anxieties, most of them unnecessary.

Help us not to be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, to present our requests to you.

Lord, today I bring to you my anxieties …

Thank you for the promise of your peace which transcends all understanding.