It’s Chinese New Year, A first without mum, Didn’t know that it’ll be that weird, To celebrate and laugh while my heart still hurts.
I’ve been thinking of her, Her roaring laughter still ringing in my ears, I can see her pottering in the kitchen, Dishing out my favourite dishes that she knows I love. These I have no more, And it’s the heartache that’s left to endure. Oh, how we boast about our future, When nothing on earth is secure.
I keep my eyes on Jesus, When all is too much to bear, Lay my weary head on Him, To Him, I try to cast my cares.
I know mum is in heaven, A place she can call home for eternity, No more awful earthly suffering, For this, I’m thankful for His mercy.
At the back of my mind, I know that whatever happens next, I can’t really prepare for it. I don’t know the outcome. I can’t control the result. I just don’t know.
And that’s life.
You can have the best counsellors and psychologist on earth, but when all is broken, faith is all you have. Faith is all you have to keep looking up, and walk one step, and the next.
The moment I realise this is the start of my journey in learning to let go of things I can’t control.
Update: After 14 months of battle with cancer, my mum who accepted Jesus as her God and Saviour, went home to be with Him. I still miss her so much. But I’m greatly comforted by the fact that I’ll see her again in Heaven.
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