Hope amidst trials


My husband’s cancer—one year down the road
A year has passed since my husband was diagnosed with stage three lymphoma.

Talking about suicide
The news of the suicide of a lead pastor, Andrew Stoeklein, broke my heart.

It’s okay to not to be okay
Facade, mask, front, cover-up. It takes courage to put the masks away.

Searching for the meaning of life (a poem and a Bob Dylan’s song: Make you feel my love)
How often we search for the meaning of life from gods, lords, and what not, to fill this void that we got?

New normal in life
Even if we are born with all our limbs intact and with full mobility, normal, so to speak; I believe that—with life in this fallen world—soon enough we’ll start to live with a limp here, a bruise there, and scabs where wounds from hurts and losses were.

Back to the hospital
My husband’s lump on his neck has gotten noticeably bigger within two days—swollen, red, and accompanied by fever. Symptoms of his low-grade, slow-growing lymphoma turning into an aggressive lymphoma?

To the broken-hearted
We walk and live amongst happy-face people, yet we sometimes don’t know how many broken hearts lie beneath those smiles. We could be one of them, couldn’t we?

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When night falls, grief goes up
I noticed that the pain increases especially at night, and especially before bedtime. I miss my mom so much. It’s almost a month! This s*cks!!!!!

Anger in griefing
Phases of grief and anger: As images of my mom suffering, fighting the battle, crying, breathing hard as water fills her lungs… kept floating in my mind… I felt rage. Despite all the will to fight, she suffers and dies.

Missed call from mi
Mi calling me is something that will never ever happen again.

Pain pain, go away
I’ve been thinking of her. Her roaring laughter still ringing in my ears.

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Living well​

The ending and beginning of a season
Seven months after I’ve ended my five years of full-time ministry in the church, something new is about to begin.

It’s the last quarter of the year (time to reflect)
Join me in using this reflective moment of the year to ask ourselves this question: how did we live our days this year?

Look beneath a person’s exterior
Looking past or beneath a person’s exterior is something I struggle with.

Before it’s too late…
I never thought I’d see the day
when I can hear my husband say…

Confessions of a stepmum
“I will love this child as my own.” 11 years ago—I said this to myself with all honesty and naivety.

Law of human relationships
To live an outward-focused life, ask…

Today is our present
Yesterday is over, but today is here.

10 questions to reflect on your 100th day of the year
Here are ten questions to ask yourself and help you reflect

Ten things I want at my funeral
Me to a friend: “Random. Hi, if I go home to the Lord before you, would you be the worship leader at my wake?

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My God and I
And I’ll be the poet who sings your glory— and live what I sing every day.” ‭‭Psalm‬ ‭61:8‬ ‭MSG‬‬

There is more
This post is kinda a back-to-front way of saying, “I’ve resigned from my role in the church”. Maybe someday, I’ll write a longer blog post about it.

Learn to sojourn
Where life is momentarily perfect, and there are no dirty dishes lying in the sink waiting to be washed.

Why do I write?
I write because it’s the song to my soul.

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