Hey, I’m Melinda. A writer, entrepreneur and a dreamer whose favourite song is Somewhere Over The Rainbow. Obviously. Such a dreamer’s song.

Here, have a listen.

Eva Cassidy | Somewhere Over The Rainbow

What’s my story?

I wasn’t a Christian for half my life. I was totally uninterested. But I am a Christian now and very in love with God. The one who “earnestly wants to follow Jesus but struggle, stumble, fall, get up again” kind of Christian.  

For a decade since I’ve become a Christian, there were many positive transformations in my life. But I still felt frustrated, defeated and stuck.

Past hurts, memories, current hurts, triggers, my thoughts, my emotions—entangled me.

I find myself going around the same false belief patterns in different life situations.

I “tried” many things. From surfacing some root causes to detoxing my brain (through neuroscience, reprogramming thought patterns). All Bible-based, nothing hocus pocus or focusing on self-driven effort.

But nothing significant was shifted.

Pain, insecurity, and the fear of rejection trapped me. Unforgiveness gripped me. Even though I know not letting go are hurting me more—I couldn’t walk out from my dungeon.

Doodle sadness unforgiveness trap

I know the door is there! I could see the lights! But I’m not willing to move towards it.

Emotional pain and the deepest part of our soul are usually unseen by the person and by others.

Unlike physical and external pain or condition, a person can go through years carrying internal burdens. And still function in day to day life. Until—the internal sores erupt or manifest into bitterness, cynicism, anger and fear.

It wasn’t until the time when I finally went for *pastoral counselling that the topic of identity in Christ surfaced.

*counselling and spiritual guidance from a Biblical perspective

I have found one common denominator for all struggling Christians. They do not know who they are in Christ, nor do they understand what it means to be a child of God.

from the book, Victory Over The Darkness by Neil Anderson

Learning to live my true self in God

I’m learning to daringly live each day authentically as a work-in-progress true self—in the presence of God.

I have the head knowledge concept of identity in Christ. But I never know how critical owning my identity in Christ is—to everything else in life. I never knew that it’s what’s keeping me from living in the freedom Christ has given to me!

By not owning my identity in Christ, my identity was shaped by the Devil’s lies.

Because I don’t want to be rejected, I strive to earn acceptance.

But the Bible said this about God’s acceptance of us…

But to all who have received Him—those who believe in His name—He has given the right to become God’s children. John 1:12 NET

I am accepted by God. I am God’s child!

By not understanding and owning who I am in Christ, I wrongly based my security on:

Other people’s acceptance.

On my achievements.

On circumstances.

Basically—everything that is out of my control and can be taken away.

That my friends, makes a shaky life that’s dependant on having the right circumstances and people, to be non-shaky. Which is…impossible!

By anchoring my core on who God created me to be, I’m placing my security on God.

The Trappist monk, Fr. Thomas Merton, one of the most influential Catholic authors of the 20th century said this:

“Every one of us is shadowed by an illusory person: a false self. This is the man that I want myself to be but who cannot exist, because God does not know anything about him. …

My false and private self is the one who wants to exist outside the reach of God’s will and God’s love — outside of reality and outside of life.

And such a life cannot help but be an illusion. … The secret of my identity is hidden in the love and mercy of God. … Therefore, I cannot hope to find myself anywhere except in him. …

Therefore, there is only one problem on which all my existence, my peace and my happiness depend: to discover myself in discovering God.

If I find Him, I will find myself, and if I find my true self, I will find him.” – Fr. Thomas Merton

And I’ll sum it up as this:

So, what else about me? 

If you are into personality tests thing: I’m an INTJ, a Choleric Melancholy, a D and C in the DISC personality. But as my wise advisers will say, “don’t let it define you.”

I always have thoughts in my brain running at high speed and often at each other. It sometimes drives me crazy, no, not literally. 

I have a borderline sarcastic, dry humour kind of, er, humour. Though those close to me will attest to the level of borderline. 

I can be poetic, crass, sentimental, mental, passionate, pessimistic, an intellectual, a doofus, sensitive and brutal all at the same time in one package.  

I love Jesus. Have I told you that already? 

mel

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