It’s been 3 months plus since my world crashed upon learning of my mom’s advanced cancer.
Day by day I’m learning to cope.
Day by day I grow stronger.
Day by day I learn to trust in Him.
Day by day I pray.
Day by day I learn to surrender.
Day by day I learn to let go of guilt and despair.
Day by day God is teaching me the meaning of life.
Day by day He is guiding me to see what’s important.
To cherish each and every day.
To don’t sweat the small stuff.
Less complains. Complain… for what??
For what, when minutes are ticking by.
Day by day, I learn about perspective.
What is important.
Pride is not.
Ego is not.
Selfishness is not.
Who’s right, who’s wrong is not.
Sweating the small stuff is not. When your perspective changes,a lot of things are merely small stuff held tightly in our heart, hardening it, gripping our lives.
My aunt emailed me this photo taken of my mom a week ago. Upon downloading it, my tears just flows. And I couldn’t tell if it’s tears of joy or sadness, really I couldn’t.
I’m so joyful that from being right-side paralysed due to the brain tumour, can’t talk properly, can’t write… here she is now, looking so gorgeous, do you see the kindness in her eyes, cooking for everyone again, signing her credit cards again (not good, not good), and I thank God for giving us every minute of this, every single minute.
At the back of my mind, I know that whatever happens next, I can’t really prepare for it. I don’t know the outcome. I can’t control the result. I just don’t know.
And that’s life.
You can control the planning and do whatever you want, but you can’t control the outcome.
You can have the best counsellors and psychologist on earth, but when all is broken, Faith is all you have. Faith is all you have to keep looking up, and walk one step, and the next.
When I finally realize this, I learn (still) to let go, trust and let God.*
*Is it a coincidence that this tough nut that wants nothing to do with God, came to know and love Him 3 months before my mom’s diagnosis?
I think not.
He has given me strength that I probably won’t have in this situation. He has given me the real reason of life.