Are we teenagers to God too?

Some recurring incidents with my teen had triggered these thoughts in me.
Parenting a child is hard.
Parenting a teen is heartbreaking.
I shudder to think if I ever have another child (of my own blood)…
So goes my Whatsapp to a friend whom I know won’t judge me with a wagging finger for thinking such un-motherly thoughts.
She comforted me saying that she knows perfectly lovely parents who want to strangle their kids plus hamster in tow.
“Thank you for making me feel normal,” I said.

My angry thoughts—For what we have done for our teen, the love we gave her, the sacrifices… She can disappoint and hurt us by repeatedly telling lies to our face, be disobedient, selfish (chose own pleasures over other people’s needs)… Despite us doing what we can; talk gently to her, reasoning, punishment, some threats when we get desperate, prayed together… She is still repeating the same mistakes, especially lying. It breaks my heart. How ungrateful of her to repay us with these.

But as I was blow drying my hair, this other thought/voice/conscience came to me—What about me? As a child of God, I’m giving the same treatment to my Heavenly Father. As much as I know how much He has done for me at the cross and loves me, don’t I break His heart time & again disobeying what He asks me to do, or not to do? I’m selfish too, placing busyness and things that are more appealing to my own pleasures over Him? He must be heartbroken too.

Yet He still loves me unconditionally. He forgives. He patiently watches as I repeat the same mistake, and when I’m done, send me some lessons to learn from it. He never falters. With that, I got a bit more different perspective on this parenting situation and felt comforted. Of course, comparing God’s standard and human’s standard is futile. So, here’s my prayer:

Dear Father,

Thank You for always being with me. Thank You even for those hard lessons You’ve allowed to happen in my life. I’m sorry at times I’m thick-headed and still insist on doing things my way. I guess, this will never end until the day I go Home to You. But I pray that You will help me to become more mature in my ways. I pray that You’ll help me to obey You more. And place You at the center. Help me and hubs to parent our teen the way You want us to. With a lot of wisdom & discipline built on a solid foundation of love. Let her experience Your Fatherly love through us. I ask this in Jesus name, I pray, Amen.

Out of sheer tiredness after a long day, I may have scarred my daughter for life…😓

Seeing her lazing around-
Me: You seemed to be very free.
Daughter: That’s because I finish all my homework and have nothing to do.
Me: Hrmph.
Daughter: I’m not an adult, so I don’t have many things to do.
Me: Sigh. You are right. Less housework, no need to drive you around, no cooking and cleaning, less work…
Daughter: Yup.
Me: It’s no fun being an adult. Don’t grow up too fast.

I wonder then will she remember what I said when she is 30… And nod her head with a sigh…?

Are we the ones that are left behind instead?

I was invited by our Youth Pastor to a NextGen Teens gathering.
As I was standing (behind), I looked at all the young faces… pimply, all free of wrinkles, no need for anti-aging products (yet!)… Wait, that’s not the point.

As I was standing quietly behind the rousing activities, I looked at the teens… and it surprises me as I think to myself- I have not much idea of what do I talk to these teens about.

There and then, I sort of freezes in my thought. OMG. I freaked out a bit not only because I realized I don’t know how, but how far away I am in my phase of life from my much younger self.

I have no idea of how I can confidently communicate with them. What do I say? What do I ask? How do I engage them? How do I not talk down, how do I not talk above, but talk eye to eye with them? How do I understand their world?
OMG.

As I sat here typing this, I have zero idea because it never crosses my mind to put in the effort to be in their world.

How do us ‘adults’ (Though there are still some of us that behave worse than a kid… but wait, that’s not the point)…
How do us adults that are supposedly to be discipling the younger ones, be someone that they can look to (If not, up to), be the person that they can go to talk… when we don’t understand what is going on in their world?

And to the parents, have we been so busy being a father or mother that we are blinded from the fact that our kids are no longer the 6 year old that so easily runs to our open arms anymore?

Some adults said, I guess we need to know what the ‘in’ thing is; we need to know their ‘lingo’ in order for us to communicate with them.
To me, that is really not it.
C’mon, can you imagine your 75 year old father rocking it, trying hard to be cool, and saying the hip things to fit into your world?

UGH. That will be your respond right?

I don’t think that’s it.

What’s it, then? Let’s discuss. Perhaps I will have something to write about this next.

How do you talk to teenagers?

I was invited by our Youth Pastor to a NextGen Teens gathering.As I was standing (behind), I looked at all the young faces… pimply, all free of wrinkles, no need for anti-aging products (yet!)… Wait, that’s not the point.

As I was standing quietly behind the rousing activities, I looked at the teens… and it surprises me as I think to myself- I have not much idea of what do I talk to these teens about.

There and then, I sort of freezes in my thought. OMG. I freaked out a bit not only because I realized I don’t know how, but how far away I am in my phase of life from my much younger self.

I have no idea of how I can confidently communicate with them. What do I say? What do I ask? How do I engage them? How do I not talk down, how do I not talk above, but talk eye to eye with them? How do I understand their world?
OMG.

As I sat here typing this, I have zero idea because it never crosses my mind to put in the effort to be in their world.

How do us ‘adults’ (Though there are still some of us that behave worse than a kid… but wait, that’s not the point)…
How do us adults that are supposedly to be discipling the younger ones, be someone that they can look to (If not, up to), be the person that they can go to talk… when we don’t understand what is going on in their world?

And to the parents, have we been so busy being a father or mother that we are blinded from the fact that our kids are no longer the 6 year old that so easily runs to our open arms anymore?

Some adults said, I guess we need to know what the ‘in’ thing is; we need to know their ‘lingo’ in order for us to communicate with them.
To me, that is really not it.
C’mon, can you imagine your 75 year old father rocking it, trying hard to be cool, and saying the hip things to fit into your world?

UGH. That will be your respond right?

I don’t think that’s it.

What’s it, then? Let’s discuss. Perhaps I will have something to write about this next.

Is replacing a swear word with a milder one still considered swearing?

Sheesh kebab! That’s my 12-year-old girl’s culinary alternative to SH*T!
She told me of friends in school using the F word, f this, f that, f the teacher. Life is certainly fast forwarding in today’s world. 9, 10 years old going around cussing like drunken sailors.

 

I remember I only turned into a sailor (The cussing bit) perhaps in my later teenage years.
This goes on for a lonnnng time, and the colourful words become somewhat of a punctuation mark. The favourite being the f-word. F to say I’m angry. F to say I’m happy. F to say that it’s so funny.

 

As with the other areas of my life when I became a Christian 2 years ago, more & more, I just find that I am more uncomfortable of swearing AND hearing swear words. It just doesn’t feel right anymore. So I struggle big time as I DO still swear, in my head. *Cringe*.

 

Yes. Indeed the bible says do not swear. Here’s 17 bible verses about swear words. But for me, it’s not so much about merely following the rule per se, but somehow the Holy Spirit must have convicted me. It just doesn’t feel right. Cue: struggle!

Maybe some old friends who knew the old me would roll their eyes at me. F**king right, now she is a Christian, she goes all holy-holy.

This is an on-going challenge, to let them know hey, I’m still me… but I’m no longer ‘that’ me.

 

2 Corinthians 5:17 ESV
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.

Back to the swearing in my head. I wonder why do I do that? Habit? Reaction? Pride? Is it as bad as swearing it out loud?

 

Romans 7:18 ESV
For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out.

As a work-in-progress, I now replace offensive (to me personally) words with alternatives.

But, I always wonder if replacing swear words with fish, fish balls, you fish-in-the-tank is still essentially the same, cussing.

My understanding? It is.

The intent stays the same, just the words replaced…


Adding this to my prayers.

Heavenly Father, I don’t know what is the root cause of my swearing. I don’t like it, and I know you don’t.
I don’t even want to replace them with alternative words. I just want them to leave me. Leave my head, leave my heart.
Please help me to understand what is causing this.
If I can’t find the cause, nevertheless, convict me, Papa, to stop cussing in any form.
Love you, Papa.
In Your name, I pray, Amen!