What will we leave behind when we die?

I recently took a trip to Penang. Hugged my daughter in the morning (she doesn’t want to go; I don’t want to force her) and said goodbye as best as I can, given the strained relationship at home. And I wondered, in the event if I leave home and never make it back, have I done enough to say a great goodbye to this life and the people in it?

I’ve been thinking about death a lot. I mean, I’ve always been morbid—I carry my organ donation card with me so that the hospital has the permission to use my old body to give someone a new life. But increasingly, I’ve been thinking about death. Call it age. Call it maturity. Call it losing loved ones and seeing others lost theirs.

I don’t fear death, for I know of my eternal hope and destination when I die. But I fear the life that I didn’t live when I’m alive—people who I didn’t show enough love, dreams that died when I do, leaving merely footprints-in-the-sand in people’s lives, washed away as soon as the next wave comes.

I’ve read this amazing story of Susan Spencer-Wendel, who when diagnosed with ALS, decided to leave the best memories for her family. Her year of living with joy. See, more things to add to my thinking-about-death-a-lot list.

I don’t want to wait for an illness to remind me my time is up. Live it up. Love more. Quickly. Nor death’s hand to suddenly come and snatch life away, leaving no chance for goodbyes.

I guess that explains why the change of my perspective during the trip to the market with my mother-in-law, where I saw her in a different light.

Why I’m giving on-a-whim mini awards to my husband.

Mini awards for loved ones


Created a Spotify ‘long drive ahead’ playlist based on his songs request to accompany his driving, quietly enjoying seeing his enjoyment and his singing along.
Spotify play list Long Drive
Also thinking about my work a lot—talent, gifts, contribution, serving, dreaming, opportunities. How do I tie it together, if at all?

So I’ve been thinking about death a lot. And what kind of footprints I want to leave, with God at the center of it all. One moment at a time.

A Day Ahead Prayer
My morning prayer

I’ll leave you with this short animation trailer, ‘Inner Workings’ from Disney about living life using both your heart and mind. You gotta go watch Moana to watch the full animation though. C’est la vie.

Inner Workings from Walt Disney


And this delightful scene of an old man making his work enjoyable. Kinda like the ending in the short animation above.


It is decided then that Mondays morning coffee needs to stay to balance out the drudgery of Mondays morning grocery shopping. Lest my off day Mondays becomes Mundanedays.

If God is the provider of grace

Question: If God is the provider of grace- affection, acceptance, affirmation. Does it eliminates the need for us to want it from people?

If we receive none of it from no one, would we still be ok, because well, we are supposed to be satisfied by the knowledge that God gives those 3 unconditionally?

Note I said knowledge. You know about it. But the thing is, sometimes you can’t feel it from God. Will that knowledge be enough to satisfy or you actually need human affection, acceptance and affirmation?

Does wanting those 3 makes you ‘not yet there’ with this I’m-complete-and-secure-in-Christ thingy?

An honest Whatsapp message

Sorry. So called one day chillax buffer pre-back to office ended up with 11am – 5pm of grocery & household chores.

So I really don’t feel like doing sh** now.

Do u need the bk reg urgently today? If yes, I’ll drag my sorry derrière and lift my heavy fingers to log in to the laptop.

One and half hour of grocery shopping. Weekly.

There must be an easier way to do this.
That, or I’ll have to life with it and accept this as part of my life.