Struggling with anger and sadness.

anger

Major drama—This is how I feel in my head.

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But, life must go on. This is how I need to exhibit self-control in front of people, especially at work.

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While I’m struggling with these, I struggle with God.

In your anger, do not sin. Let go, let God.

These rage, these sense of injustice, these wanting to burst into tears in public, these loneliness of not knowing who to talk to, who can I trust not to judge? And this thought of I should first deal with this with God, and not run to other people. But, I’m having trouble keeping calm and acting as normal as possible. It’s like this darkness trying to fill up the white space, and it feels good to let it be. Yet, I know I must stand guard and not let the Devil have a foothold of my weakness.

Dear Lord, help.

Let me move far far away

Let me move far far away
Away from these pool of bitterness
Away from these injustices
Away from these hurts
Away from these pain

Let me move far far away
Where I can be free
Where I am me

This place does not exist
It’s not real
It’s not on earth
It’s a dream

It exists only when God becomes bigger than me
It exists only when love is bigger than the hurts

But at this point, I’m just down on my knees with hurts and bitter-talk slashing my heart. Anger turned inward.

Let me move far far away from these.