Perhaps I never take the time needed to grief properly. Is there a proper way to grief?
Life is so busy that we can’t afford to fully grief.
EVEN GRIEVING IS SOMETHING THAT I CAN ONLY DO WHEN I HAVE THE TIME.
Find a weekend to grief. Find an hour on Monday to grief. But there’s always things to do, dinners to attend, ministries to serve in, a certain pattern of daily life to live so that the families living under the same roof won’t be affected by my sadness too much, smiles to put on…
Is it a luxury, an indulgence to just want to be alone, not having to go to office, not having to worry about work that depends on you to complete, not having to tend to husband and daughter, not having to be careful of being nice to them because really, I just don’t want to answer you right now… to just grieve.
What if I just want to cry the whole day? Write the whole day? Pray the whole day? Be alone the whole week? What if I just need to do what I need to do fully grief?
At the back of my mind, I would think, well, it’s too late now. Too much at stake with your work. Who would be able to do them??
Who would do the news? Who would update the site?? Who would coordinate whatever it takes to keep things moving??
Back to same thing. Even to grief, it seems that I need to carve out time to do that.
Grief. Grieve. How do you bloody spell this word anyway???