I was down. Confused. Directionless. Full of unclear questions. questioning abt where to find the answers. I just want to be quiet. Away fm the Hoo haa.
I am sad of my relationship with Kevin. We seemed ok, but deep down, there is something missing. A connection that we’ve lost sometime ago, perhaps year when we step into the marriage. The pain, the arguments built up the wall in between us.
We are better now.But alongside the broken things thrown in midst of rage, we too,are broken.
And it was never really fixed at the core.
So apart from our stubborn conviction to make it work, the pace of daily grind, the good times with food, the shared interest and the string of family, responsibility that ties us together. The deep connection between two person was lost.
What am I searching for? I hv no idea.
I am weary of things in life. Yet I still hold on to hope when I see glimmer of it.
How do I depend on God? It’s not a question to challenge Him. but more of is there a way how?
Do I seek the answer within myself?
Do I hv to go away to be quiet in order to do that?
How do I get in touch with my spirit?
I know it’s there, starving.
Read the Bible? Pray? Cell group?
At this point, I don’t particulary like idea of cell group as it seems ritual like, like an action task. Rather than seeking peace within, and hearing myself, it is taking my focus away.
And that is not what I am seeking for.
I was asking these questions about God. I am listening to Internet radio – piano station. Somehow I picked up the phone, and saw the music that was being played.(it has the cover of the album). My eyes grew wide as I saw this.
Was it a coincident ? As I was asking and asking questions abt God, it appeared to me.