Does being good parents result in good kids?

You’d think that this is a how-to-be-a-better-parent article. Nope. You can find thousands of those advice online. And from your great-grandaunt Jemina.

This is an article about how you being the most awesome parent on earth—doesn’t mean that your kid will turn out as you would like to.
If you are not yet turned off, please read on.


I have a dream

A dream of a happy family—where the parents have a healthy marriage; are physically, emotionally, and mentally there for the kids. Loving them. Guiding them. Teaching them. Good parents, you know. And the kids grew up happy and well. Loving their parents in return.

I didn’t come across any good models of that kind of families growing up, and even until my adulthood. When I see some of my friends where the parents are still married—TO EACH OTHER, I’ll think—how good it is to have a family like that.

Then I thought I saw some of those good models of families in church.
Our church being a church big on family, I regularly hear about the importance of a good marriage and being a good parent to our kids. And working on your marriage is part of being a good parent, just so you know.

Naturally, most parents want to be good parents. And are willing to learn how to win “Best parent award” by reading parenting tips, attending parenting course, loving the kid despite the grrrr (parents will know what I mean), guiding them, teaching them… (insert lifetime of sacrifices here).

For we know as best as we try, we are flawed human beings, and we will be flawed parents. But, we usually give our all to the kid, don’t we?

And what’s a parent’s dream? That the kid will grow up happy, secure, and mature with good character. And of course, that the kid will also love and honour their parents.

Although I know and I know and I know that us mortals can’t control outcomes in life, I somehow thought this equation is kinda logical.

Good parenting = chances of the kid turning out well = high.

So when I see, hear, read, and experience:

*Good parenting = nothing goes right here
*Even with good, loving, and godly parents

I’m baffled.

Do you question what have you not done enough for your kid?

Do you look at other families, and you wonder what have those parents done right that you somehow missed in “Parenting Well, page 10589”?

Do you look longingly, even covetously at certain families where you think that “they got it right” with their kids?

While it’s good to reflect on the part we’ve played in our kid’s life, and yes, like it or not—we did make parenting mistakes—but it’s another to try making sense of the faulty logic of this formula

Good parenting = chances of the kid turning out well = high.

Because being a good parent is not the key. Knowing who God is—is.

Because if you know that God is omnipotent (having unlimited power, almighty, supreme), omniscient (knowing everything, all-knowing, all-wise, all-seeing), and omnipresent (present everywhere, infinite, boundless)—you will know that you are not, god.

Before you throw imaginary eggs at me, ponder on the above truth—are we supreme, all-knowing, all-seeing, present everywhere, infinite?

If not—what makes us think that we know the eventual outcome of how our kids will turn out?

What makes us think that it is our good work—in being a good parent—that results in good kids?

God said, “And who do you think made the human mouth?” Exodus 4:11 Msg

(God made it, by the way).

“Yeah, great! So, let me just stop trying to be a good parent then! Because God is so great, in control, and knows best. Nothing I do matters, right?” I huffed and puffed in protest when the truth was revealed to me.

I’m not sure whether you huffed and puffed along with me.

But not so fast.

Because apart from knowing who God is, it’s also about knowing how our relationship with God is.

    Is there reverence that He is God, the Creator—our kid’s Heavenly Father?

    Is there obedience in following His words in the Bible?

“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger [do not exasperate them to the point of resentment with demands that are trivial or unreasonable or humiliating or abusive; nor by showing favoritism or indifference to any of them], but bring them up [tenderly, with lovingkindness] in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Ephesians 6:4 AMP

(Yeah, this is where the extra help from parenting tips, parenting courses, and great-grandaunt Jemina can come in.)

    Is there trust that He is in control?

Or has self-reliance apart from God sneaked in?

If this is you, you & I need to get out from the boat that is heading off-course.

Where we know and are reminded deep in our hearts that God is omnipotent, omniscient, and omnipresent.

Yes, we must still do all we can to love and raise our kids as best as we can. But our efforts do not guarantee the outcome that we want.

We are to pray, pray, and pray for our kids.

Above all, it’s between God and us—our relationship with our Heavenly Father, His words, loving and wise instructions—that we need to focus on.

If you like to, I invite you to join me in this prayer:

Dear God,
You are God. Lord of all. The One who created [your child’s name(s)]. And I thank you for the gift. I thank You for the privilege of being [your child’s name(s)] parents on earth.

I’m sorry that I was relying on my works, thinking that it is through me that [your child’s name(s)] will turn out well.

Thank You for the truth being revealed to me today.

Choosing to surrender [your child’s name(s)] to You while being [your child’s name(s)] parent is tough. Help me to grow in my personal walk and relationship with You. I want to love You more. I want to trust You fully.

Thank You for Your love for my family and me.

May [your child’s name(s)] encounter You personally and truly know You as Saviour and Lord.

In Jesus’ name, I pray, amen.

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Featured image by Matt Hoffman on Unsplash

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