Three things that I’m most grateful for today—20 Oct 2016

1. The tiff with hubs before leaving for work.

Tiff—a petty quarrel, especially one between friends or lovers.

What is there to be thankful about in a petty argument? Well, the realisation that it’s petty. And stupid.
It’s over the same issue of my hubs lacking the built-in mechanism to give acknowledgement and affirmation, which is a love language of mine. Love language is ways that people speak and understand emotional love. We do have to learn our partner’s love language. Erm, it’ll bring more spark to the relationship, that I can tell you. But, the way I reacted to his lack of demonstration was so unnecessary. What a waste of energy!
So yeah, I hope I’ll react this way less.
Understand more about the 5 love languages and take a test to know what’s your (and your partner’s or kids) love language.

2. I witnessed someone accepting Jesus into her life.

I have the joy and privilege of witnessing a lady in her 50s saying a simple prayer and accepting Christ into her life today. As I know how my life had turned around when I get to know God; I witnessed today’s momentous occasion with a constipated-happy expression on my face. That, and trying hard not to cry many happy tears.

3. Spending intentional time with daughter.

Made appointment to catch up with her in the living room. Lol.
Not looking to do idle talk, but a meaningful conversation instead. You know what’s weird? It’s being with a person for almost 10 years, and this person turns into a teenager, and suddenly you are left wondering, hang on, who’s this?
I’ll still be playing the role of a parent, but I’ll leave the lecture out of the conversation. Hopefully, I can model what this article says about talking to a teenager.

Maybe I should get a beer to go with the conversation.

Outfit of the day

Three things that I’m most grateful for today—18 Oct 2016

Today is going down in the history of 2016 as one of my best days ever.

Outfit of the day

Goofing around after a colleague mentioned that my outfit matches the sofa cushion!

1. I experienced unexplainable joy today!

The difference between happiness and joy—happiness is derived from circumstances, things, and people; joy depends on none of that. Joy is that delight and peace which radiates from within. And I experienced that today! I did nothing different except that both hubs & I prayed & blessed each other in the morning. We’ve wanted to do this for a long time but never got round to cultivating the habit of praying together as a couple. Today we did, and I was blessed my socks off with this beaming, whistling, amazing peace kind of joy! Thank you, Lord!

2. You guys resonated with my article on The side effects of divorce!

Yesterday, I asked God ‘what shall I write about?’ And God used my anger and disappointment of my daughter’s bio-mom not sending her back as promised, to write about the lifetime consequences of divorce.

I received encouraging response from Facebook, Facebook Messenger, Whatsapp and even phone call. Some shared their experiences as the kid, and some shared as the divorced parent. I’m so touched and thankful when I read all the comments and encouragement. Thank you!

3. Our sponsor child wrote to us!

metrochildsponsorship

I kissed the letter and cried.

We are so privileged to be able to do something for two kids through Metro World Child.

Please find out more about how you can give one child a chance in life through your sponsorship of about USD30/month.

We can’t change the whole world, but we can make a difference in the world of one child.

Be wary of tempations in your marriage

Right place, right time… Weak moment. And you are the featured star of your own horror movie.

Heard this from Chip Ingram’s sermon on Living On The Edge.

Nobody wakes up thinking that they are going to have an affair, cheat, lie, etc. It formed little by little and sneaked up on you before you realised it.

Be on guard. Guard your marriage, guard your integrity.

Always will remember this advice.

How the media is poisoning your marriage

 The media has played a big part in influencing people on what is deemed to be ‘the norm’. Giving up on a tough and bad marriage is one of them. From Hollywood movies to Hong Kong soap operas, the message is this: If it’s causing great unhappiness to both parties and there’s no workable solution in sight, then the only solution is to get a divorce.

Infographics on the deception vs reality of marriage


One of my heart’s burdens is the health and well-being of marriages. It breaks my heart to see marriages falling apart and in the process, dragging everything down with them. Families are torn apart. Children are having to learn how to live a ‘new normal life’ when nothing is normal about broken families – despite what the media is saying to us.

Look, I am not trying to make a suffering relationship sound easy. I am a product of a divorced family, as my parents divorced even before I went to kindergarten. Later in my adult life, I find myself living with the consequences of being in a second marriage relationship; my husband’s second marriage, my first. I have seen firsthand how my step-daughter suffered during her earlier childhood; being torn apart from her shuffling between her biological mother and father, who has sole custody of her. I have had power struggle with his ex-wife for imparting different and conflicting values into my step-daughter. I have screamed through bitter arguments with my husband. At this point, I have to say that while society dictates I call her ‘step-daughter’, in my heart, she is no different to me than a biological child. So it is only for the purpose of this article that I am using the term ‘step-daughter’.


“Be completely humble and gentle; Be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the spirit through the bond of peace.”- Ephesians 4:2-3


 To cut a long story short, our earlier years together was close to being hell on earth as a new ‘blended’ family. It wasn’t until all of us came to know Christ, starting with my husband, then three years later, where I too decided to surrender my life to Him that He took our biggest mistake and made it right. 


Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” – Ecclesiastes 4:12


Both of you have to commit to the ‘No exit clause’ in your marriage from the beginning.

We had to learn through the most painful way how not to live life selfishly. We had to learn how to love unconditionally despite seeing how hopeless our relationship seemed to be. I am ever thankful for the lessons, horrible as they were. The hard lessons have taught us to close the exit door of our marriage. We decided that ‘there’s no exit clause’ in this marriage, and we are going to work it out, no matter what.

““Marriage is an exclusive union between one man and one woman, publicly acknowledged, permanently sealed, and physically consummated.” ~ Selwyn Hughes.”

With our marriage being rooted in God and made stronger, we can give our daughter a stable growing up environment. She has seen the bad and ugly consequences of both husband and wife wanting their way and insisting that their expectations be met. As she is now maturing into a beautiful teen both from the inside and out; I thank God that she too is, growing her roots deeper in Christ. I can’t be any happier for her or love her enough!

By God’s power, I believe that the ‘generational curse’ of bad marriages and divorces from both sides of our family has been broken. It stops at our generation.

My last take on this – If you have yet to make the decision, please don’t give up on your marriage, please don’t get divorced. Get help, seek counselling, pray. Do whatever, but please don’t give up.

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Eph. 6:10

 

Are we teenagers to God too?

Some recurring incidents with my teen had triggered these thoughts in me.
Parenting a child is hard.
Parenting a teen is heartbreaking.
I shudder to think if I ever have another child (of my own blood)…
So goes my Whatsapp to a friend whom I know won’t judge me with a wagging finger for thinking such un-motherly thoughts.
She comforted me saying that she knows perfectly lovely parents who want to strangle their kids plus hamster in tow.
“Thank you for making me feel normal,” I said.

My angry thoughts—For what we have done for our teen, the love we gave her, the sacrifices… She can disappoint and hurt us by repeatedly telling lies to our face, be disobedient, selfish (chose own pleasures over other people’s needs)… Despite us doing what we can; talk gently to her, reasoning, punishment, some threats when we get desperate, prayed together… She is still repeating the same mistakes, especially lying. It breaks my heart. How ungrateful of her to repay us with these.

But as I was blow drying my hair, this other thought/voice/conscience came to me—What about me? As a child of God, I’m giving the same treatment to my Heavenly Father. As much as I know how much He has done for me at the cross and loves me, don’t I break His heart time & again disobeying what He asks me to do, or not to do? I’m selfish too, placing busyness and things that are more appealing to my own pleasures over Him? He must be heartbroken too.

Yet He still loves me unconditionally. He forgives. He patiently watches as I repeat the same mistake, and when I’m done, send me some lessons to learn from it. He never falters. With that, I got a bit more different perspective on this parenting situation and felt comforted. Of course, comparing God’s standard and human’s standard is futile. So, here’s my prayer:

Dear Father,

Thank You for always being with me. Thank You even for those hard lessons You’ve allowed to happen in my life. I’m sorry at times I’m thick-headed and still insist on doing things my way. I guess, this will never end until the day I go Home to You. But I pray that You will help me to become more mature in my ways. I pray that You’ll help me to obey You more. And place You at the center. Help me and hubs to parent our teen the way You want us to. With a lot of wisdom & discipline built on a solid foundation of love. Let her experience Your Fatherly love through us. I ask this in Jesus name, I pray, Amen.

3 sms & a funeral

June 15th- My biological dad passed away early this morning. I’m going back to Penang this afternoon…kinda blur in my head now.

That was my sms to 3 friends whom immediately came to my mind- Jen in Holland; Min in Kl and Kumar in Penang. (and forever with Coconect in my blood, the precious sms also goes to my team)

Now I’m back in Kl. It was certainly a heavy trip to say the very least. But with huge meanings.

I re-learnt the meaning of family, love, forgiveness, friendship, support, sacrifice…and that my late father also listens to The Carpenters like I do.

I’m very glad that everyone got together, after so many years. I’m happy to see my Ah Kong, Ah Ma, aunts, cousins & mummy sitting together…didn’t know my family is so big! For all my life, I’m the only ‘Yeoh’.

June 16th After an overseas call from dear Jen:

Appreciate your call. I’m ok. Kinda weird coz things r surreal, not logical, suddenly all families bk 2gether. So sudden. He is well loved by all his siblings. My aunts r loving ppl. We look alike!I’m glad we had the chance2 meet last mth when we knew abt the illness. I hug him4 de 1st time, didn’t know its the last.

That’s life. You won’t know when it will be the last chance. So for what’s its worth, I’m doing all I can to be a better person, and let go. Let go of so many bondages that’s weighing me down in other areas of my life. The ‘should’, the ‘must’, the quest to be right…It ain’t gonna be easy, for Miss Control Freak to make like a jello and go with the flow, but I’m going to do what I can.

June 17th Have u ever attended funeral with alchohol? I just had. 1st & last cheers of beer with my father. Finally started2 break me. But I held on. I hope 2mrw is not tough.

Now, I know where I got my beer genes from. (Sure, blame it on a dead person). What nearly breaks me that night was the realization that we never sat down to clink our beer mugs together, and I’m doing it on the eve of his cremation.

I wept silent tears as my head was bowed going through the prayers, drops after drops after drops.

Although kinda confused, there was a sense of peace though sadness when I sat through the prayers for him, lead the procession, and watched as his coffin was wheeled into the cremation area and the metal door slides down. I knew this was his worldly body, and his soul had left, set free.

He’s in a better place, no more sufferings. And though we didn’t have the chance to spend time together in this world, we have an eternity in heaven.

Happy Father’s Day to my late Father- Robert Yeoh.