As a single parent child, not a single day my mom has ever let me felt deprived of love and even material things.
MY MUMMY’S PROTECTION OF ME
My mom always wants to protect me even to her last days. Even through cancer.
Whisker the cat I rescued
I rescued a kitty from a drain when I was a child and brought it back home.
But eventually my mom took Whisker the cat away and replaces it with 2 goldfish! I only know why much later, it’s because my mom said Whiskers always makes hissing noise and seems wild; my mom fears that Whiskers will scratch me.
The divorce from my late father
Though her heart was bleeding, she protected me from the trials of her divorce from my late father.
I don’t know if it’s right or wrong. But she chose to keep me away from being torn and confused of shuttling between both parents, so I never get to see my late father until his last days suffering from cancer.
Our sole bread winner
She gives up her youth and became the sole breadwinner at 16 years old for 5 monkeys with no parents taking care of my aunts and uncles. And some years later, taking care of me too.
My mom sacrificed… A lot.
She did everything to give us food & shelter
She worked too briefly after giving birth to me.
When she was a teenager, she will bring my aunt to the cinema, sit her there to watch movie, while she washes the cinema toilet before the screening.
Gave up a would-be husband
I remember she had a boyfriend that was very kind. He wanted to marry my mom and take care of two of us. But he can’t provide for her siblings.
So my mom said no. It’s all or nothing.
She gave up her 2nd chance of being cared and provided for by a loving man to protect all of us.
To provide for all of us, she has to take on undesirable jobs. And also, being outstation and away from me.
To this, she always regretted not being with me during my formative years. I don’t get to stay together with my mother until I was 12.
She is ever smiling
Despite all these, I never ever hear a word of complain from my mom. No grudges, no resentment. Just a lot of love and laughter.
She protects me from those hurts as much as she can.
She is my mama bear; I am always her baby bear.
My Christ- like mummy
Perhaps she didn’t realize- but she has touched so many people’s hearts.
People love her because she first loves.
She was already Christ-like long before she became a Christian.
When I told a bellboy of Gleneagles that my mom had passed away, he look into my eyes with shock. What surprises me was he shed tears.
My mom’s love stretches to even a bellboy that many people would ignore.
Even through her sufferings, she did not stop giving.
My love for mi
I must say the years are too short a time for me to be with my mi.
I cried, I want my mummy back, I want my mummy back. Everywhere I turn, I see her, I smell her, but I can no longer hug her.
However I know and I’m assured because of Jesus, she is celebrating in heaven now. That’s a reason for me to rejoice.
Mi, one day, we will meet again in heaven, I can confidently say ‘I could sing of your love forever’ because we have an eternity to be together.
I like to end this by sharing what I whispered in her ear during the last moments when she can’t respond to me-
Mummy, I love you forever, thank you for everything, we are all in good hands, Jesus loves you.
Saw this while flipping through a mag. Remembered mummy took the cable car ride alone when we were holidaying in Langkawi (She knows I’m chicken to take the ride).
I got started to think of her.
I wish I can share my moments with her post voting for GE13, but I can’t.
So, in my head I talked to her :”Mummy, I’ve voted today, for the first time. I cared.”
And I imagine her proud contented smile, her hands stroking my hair.
In the middle of crying and looping down, thinking about mummy, my perceived failed relationship with my daughter, the strife and snide remarks from parents in law over the years, the injustice of them, just too much… I find myself drifting away and away from God…
I asked in my head, why? What do I have to do to get back to you God?
Why am I like this?
One word immediately came into my mind – disobedience.
I ignored it and continued to spiral down.
I cried out, mummy, take me with you…
I stopped short of that when that horrible thought came into my mind.
At once I recognized this!
It’s the devil scheme to distract me away from God.
Ever since I started serving full time in church, my once good relationship with my daughter started to strain. Everything she does hurts me. I chose not to love but harbor resentment. – Disobedient.
I chose not to forgive. – Disobedient.
Things started getting on my nerves more. – Disobedient.
I’m feeling less happier.
And now I know it’s the evil plot to pull me away from joy. Joy comes from God.
The evil plot to render me powerless. Focused on myself.
Dear Lord, thank you for giving me life.
Thank you for your power and wisdom.
Lord, shelter your lambs from the evil ones.
Let us place our eyes on You.
Was busy in the study room. Mobile phone rang. Didn’t bother to walk out and answer it as it was in the living room.
When I settled down and check the missed call, and I thought eh, mi called me
Split second later it recovered from the confusion because it knows it was my step dad using my mi’s phone to call me.
Mi calling me is something that will never ever happen again.
She always reminds me to call her every Sunday. Now I don’t have to.
I don’t have to do anything for her anymore. Whether I like it or it suits my schedule.
Her schedule has nothing to do with me anymore.
I can’t even describe the pain.