A Whatsapp conversation prelude to an extraordinary day.

Just a day after I decided to be more conscious of living live like my days are numbered, I had a taste of an extraordinary day! The day started with sadness though…an impending dread of knowing it is Mother’s Day the next day…


S: We can catch up anyway babe.
Me: Yeah, we can. But we meet for each other, not, to soothe me, ok. I don wanna be a ‘sucker’.
S: Of course for each other.
S: I was just going to say that I was thinking about this Mother’s Day thing and wondering how very difficult it must be for u.
S: Don’t tell me bout the “sucker” thing again pls.
S: Kinda offensive to our friendship. I love you.
Me: Oh my, I’m sorry.
S: I love you too.
S: Babe, we can come to u.
Me: What??
Me: My gosh, my eyes r swollen.
S: Anywhere.
Me: I’ll meet you. Lunch.
S: Just leaving the house now.
Me: Oh dear babe. Ok, I’ll change now. You are quite mad, you are.
S: Just do it. Less talk, more action.

Evening.
Back home after what was supposed to be a lunch meet ended up a five hours unplanned conversation and fun!

Me: This is too crazy.
Me: I think what I wrote yesterday abt reminder to live like our days r numbered is happening.
Me: Let me tell u that today is a super extraordinary day.
S: Hahahhaha
S: Amen to that!
S: Love it!
S: Meant to be then…Embrace it.
Me: I never spent such a long time with a non-husband for years. Or, have I ever?
Me: And doing all these crazy unplanned things r just mad for me.
S: Hhahahahahahhahahahahahhahaahhahahahahahaahhahaha.
Me: Make flower bouquets for people!
S: Surrender.
Me: This is way crazy.
Me: Me, make flower bouquet. DIY is not my thing! Face palm
Me: U voodoo me, Miss S
S: God.
S: Not me.

Then, a guy friend sent me this message of encouragement.
You are and have been a great Mum, what transpired is NOT yr fault, pls realise that, it does not negate all yr effort, please!
U did yr job the best u could! Pls never think of yrself any less than that. I know u’ve put a lotta effort & u deserved to b acknowledged.

Kindest words at the most appropriate time, for a season of my life such as this.


The icing on the cake
Mother's Day giftHubs just came back from work at night. And surprised me with this lovely bottle with a Happy Mother’s Day wish. He said, “It’s tough being a mother, we can drink and celebrate together.” I said, “Yeah. Mine’s extra tough.” He said, “Yeah, that’s why the wine is 33% extra.” Lol!

The sadness is heightened with Mother’s Day, but there are also like one thousand blessings that have happened—just in one day.

And it has to do with simple things like—spur of the moment meeting with a friend; an inspired moment to make Mother’s Day flower bouquets to the mothers in my family; timely kind words. And a devoted husband who is equally sad about the family situation, but chose to lend his strength to me.

So, yeah, I’m sad today yet I’m so happy. It’s crazy. Good crazy. God kind of mysterious yet perfect kind of crazy.

If we were having coffee right now…

If we were having coffee right now…

I’ll tell you that haters gonna hate.
Yes, you’ll feel the hurt.
Go ahead and feel.
Don’t immediately shh your heart.
Don’t tell your heart to feel like this, or don’t feel like this.
Don’t create a dichotomy between your heart and mind; they are one faculty.
Acknowledge the hurts.
But, don’t overstay there.
Don’t ruminate.
Examine why you are feeling this or that way.
Allow healing to take place.
Then, at your own pace, take one step at a time to move forward.


20 days writing prompt series. Day eleven: A cup of coffee

20 days writing prompts. Day Seven: Do not worry about tomorrow

The Cure for Anxiety from the Bible

When something so Big is in control, I’m reminded that my worries about little things are quite frankly, unnecessary.


“Therefore I tell you, stop being worried or anxious (perpetually uneasy, distracted) about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, as to what you will wear. Is life not more than food, and the body more than clothing?

Look at the birds of the air; they neither sow [seed] nor reap [the harvest] nor gather [the crops] into barns, and yet your heavenly Father keeps feeding them. Are you not worth much more than they? And who of you by worrying can add one [l]hour to [the length of] his life?

And why are you worried about clothes? See how the lilies and wildflowers of the field grow; they do not labour nor do they spin [wool to make clothing], yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory and splendour dressed himself like one of these.

But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive and green today and tomorrow is [cut and] thrown [as fuel] into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith!

Therefore do not worry or be anxious (perpetually uneasy, distracted), saying, ‘What are we going to eat?’ or ‘What are we going to drink?’ or ‘What are we going to wear?’ For the [pagan] Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; [but do not worry,] for your heavenly Father knows that you need them.

But first and most importantly seek (aim at, strive after) His kingdom and His righteousness [His way of doing and being right—the attitude and character of God], and all these things will be given to you also.

“So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Matthew 6:25-34 AMP


 

When life gets you down, just keep swimming.

When life gets you down…

Just keep swimming—Dory.

When my blended-but-I-thought-was-doing-well-family spun out of control; my world was shaken to the core.


There was a potent mix of rage, helplessness, and intense pain—each of the three taking turns, sometimes all at once to wreak havoc on my daily life. I was desperate to put things back into order. Back into the world I know.

Through gritted teeth, I strived, planned, strategized what I thought were sound plans to solve the problems. Nothing works. Things got worse. I felt everything which I was holding in my hands; slipped, fell and crashed into pieces…and I can’t save a single piece.

As my inner world plunged further into darkness, I was aware that if it continues to fall, I will go into deep depression. The intense pain in my heart was paralysing me. Don’t even talk about relationship reconciliation, don’t even talk about healing, don’t even, anything. I can no longer think straight. I just want the pain to stop. STOP.

I knew I have to come up for air—survival became my mode.

Just keep swimming became my daily focus just to survive the moment.

I need to avoid dwelling on the pain for now.

If it’s watching episode after episode of Frasier and laugh for that one hour, so be it.

If it’s eating that dark chocolate, so be it.

If it’s going out more to enjoy good meals with my husband, so be it.

Anything to avoid that dark, knife-holding grip dragging the blade across my heart, again and again.

I can empathise maybe one of the reasons why people turn to alcohol and regularly drink themselves into a stupor, even if they knew that it’s not a solution—they just want to escape the pain. And perhaps sadly, instead of reaching out for help, their hands reach out for the bottle instead.


My ‘just keep swimming’ was interlaced between sitcom, dark chocolate, good food escapism and a newfound community of Christian brothers and sisters who I didn’t know one day I would need so badly.

Sure I have the head knowledge that it’s important to have a support network, but it’s only when I experienced the support that I knew these people are one of my lifelines.

Were we great friends before this that ‘warrants’ their kindness? Were they part of a formal support network group? Nope. But these group of people in their own ways demonstrated Christ’s command to ‘love one another’, and they showered me with their time, a listening ear, and prayers.

A lot of times, it felt like I’m swimming against the current. I swam with tears in my eyes, and when I’m tired, I’m grateful that God was there waiting for me while I floated around, feeling defeated.


It’s been six months since the first strike of chaos. Who knows what is around the corner? But hope on the unshakeable God gave me enough strength and kept me swimming.

‘When life gets you down, just keep swimming’ doesn’t mean to suppress or act as if nothing is wrong. And please, it certainly is not a de-motivational ‘chin up’, ‘you can do it’ ignore your pain and get on with life kind of thing.

What it ultimately means—don’t give up. Seek help, reach out, please don’t ever give up on hope. #justkeepswimming


20 days writing prompt series. Day five: Hook ‘Em With a Quote’ 

you are free to choose, but you are not free from the consequences of your choice.

Choice

I’ll always remember this phrase; you are free to choose, but you are not free from the consequences of your choice.

I’m free to choose to overeat either in terms of calories or quantity; I’m not free to choose the consequences of gaining weight.

I’m free to stay up too late; I’m not free to choose the consequences of grogginess the next day.

I’m free to choose to hold on to unforgiveness; I’m not free to choose the consequences of bitterness.

I’m free to be careless with my words; I’m not free to choose the consequences of damaged relationships.

I’m free to let my love for writing to remain as wishful thinking; I’m not free to choose the consequences of living (or dying) with regrets.

 

On the flip side:

I’m free to choose to eat moderately and healthily and enjoy being able to fit nicely into whatever clothes I wear.

I’m free to choose to sleep by a designated time and enjoy clear-thinking and better energy the next day.

I’m free to choose to forgive and enjoy being set free.

I’m free to choose uplifting words and enjoy seeing others being encouraged and not tear down.

I’m free to choose to persist with this daily writing prompts and enjoy whatever that comes with it—satisfaction, interaction with the blogging community, and hopefully being able to encourage someone along the way.

What would you choose to do, or not to do today?


20 days writing prompt series. Day three: One-word inspiration.

calligraphy: grief

365 days calligraphy challenge: follow your heart

‘I want to swim again’

said my late mum to her oncologist when at her stage-4 cancer, he asked what is it that she wants to do (to encourage her). Fight she did, but she never got the chance to go into the pool ever again.

What is it that you want to do even if it’s just a simple thing—but you are giving yourself excuses not to?

Or, are you questioning ‘does it matter to do what I’m doing?’

I question myself many times about my role in the church office. I question my blogging; writing about God. I question myself even over this 365 daily word thingy. Does it matter? Will it make a difference to other people?
Hubs told me, ‘Even if you do it, you may not know in your lifetime whether it will matter. But if you don’t do it, you will NEVER know and will live with this niggling thought. Maybe even at your death bed; regret.’

So.
Swim.

#day3 #dailyword #dailycalligraphy #noregrets #makeadifference #365