The most wonderful things about Monday off-days:The house is all quiet.
I raise my hands.
I lift my voice;
I twirl around the house singing love songs to Him.
I read my books.
I devour The Message bible.
I pause once in a while to soak it all in. I smell the aroma of brewed coffee.
With a contented smile I said, yeah… just hanging out, me & my Dad.
Dear Heavenly Father,
I love how You love me enough to let me fall.
To allow me to slide down the ravines of life, again & again, trying to climb up on my own…injuring myself badly, only to finally be desperate enough to look up.
There You are. Your hands stretched out to me. Ever ready to pull me out. Your arm opens, every ready to hold me in them and embrace me. “You are safe, you are safe, hush child, shh… you are safe.”
Your assurance. You are always here.
I love how You broke me into pieces, this child of Yours whom You’;ve created.
And with pain in Your heart, You watched me as I destroy my own life and crumbles.
Didn’t know who You are. Ridiculing You. Arrogantly declaring I have no need for You in my life. I denied You. I denied Your existance.
Yet. Patiently, You’ve waited for me to come home.
And boy. Did I run home. Did I run as hard as I could to Your arms. Crying, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry Father for all that I’ve done. I’m sorry. I ask for Your forgiveness even when You had forgiven every-single-thing-I’d-done-that-breaks-Your-heart.
Thank You Father. Thank you for breaking me. Blessed are the poor in spirit, for there is the Kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.
You are blessed when you get your inside world- your mind and heart – put right. Then, you can see God in the outside world.
Lord, I’m amazed by You, how You love me.
So it’s been 13 months since I took the painful yet exciting step of leaving my business, the comfort of doing things my way, making my own decision, the limitless financial potential of a business and stepping into church to serve full-time as their Communications Manager.
This is not going to be long post. In a lazy, fleeting here & there mood. But I can sum up my thoughts to this:
After the initial shock to my system (took me about 8 months or more), I am beginning to be aware of the tremendous privilege of being able to serve in my church.
I’m grateful that I get to put in practice what I learned from the Words.
I’m grateful that I can make mistakes, and there’s more grace from people in forgiving my mistakes in comparison to most corporate companies.
I’m completely in awe every time I see His hands in my work.
I’m absolutely humbled when I see people serving Him sacrificially.
I’m filled with joy of being able to work with the best people I’ve ever met. They ‘taught’ me to be a better me to others too.
I’m blessed to be able to ‘do church’ every single day.
The road ahead with my role in this church is long(er than I expected!). But I.WILL.learn.to.rest.in.Him. and ask.for.His.wisdom. and always, always get.down.on.my.knees.to.pray.
I was invited by our Youth Pastor to a NextGen Teens gathering.As I was standing (behind), I looked at all the young faces… pimply, all free of wrinkles, no need for anti-aging products (yet!)… Wait, that’s not the point.
As I was standing quietly behind the rousing activities, I looked at the teens… and it surprises me as I think to myself- I have not much idea of what do I talk to these teens about.
There and then, I sort of freezes in my thought. OMG. I freaked out a bit not only because I realized I don’t know how, but how far away I am in my phase of life from my much younger self.
I have no idea of how I can confidently communicate with them. What do I say? What do I ask? How do I engage them? How do I not talk down, how do I not talk above, but talk eye to eye with them? How do I understand their world?
As I sat here typing this, I have zero idea because it never crosses my mind to put in the effort to be in their world.
How do us ‘adults’ (Though there are still some of us that behave worse than a kid… but wait, that’s not the point)…
How do us adults that are supposedly to be discipling the younger ones, be someone that they can look to (If not, up to), be the person that they can go to talk… when we don’t understand what is going on in their world?
And to the parents, have we been so busy being a father or mother that we are blinded from the fact that our kids are no longer the 6 year old that so easily runs to our open arms anymore?
Some adults said, I guess we need to know what the ‘in’ thing is; we need to know their ‘lingo’ in order for us to communicate with them.
To me, that is really not it.
C’mon, can you imagine your 75 year old father rocking it, trying hard to be cool, and saying the hip things to fit into your world?
UGH. That will be your respond right?
I don’t think that’s it.
What’s it, then? Let’s discuss. Perhaps I will have something to write about this next.
Hubs (Looking intensely into my eyes with a smile): ” Every day with you is a special occasion.”
Me (Stared at him. Blink blink): Your facial expression looks like ‘kam yui low”.
Me (Throw my head back and roar out in laughter).
Hubs: “That’s what I like about you. Honest.”
That’s how a true love conversation sounds like.
It’s been weeks since I last prepared soup for my family.
Today is Monday. Where the church office is closed. For the past almost 6 months, my Mondays were not the peaceful off-day Monday that it should be. I was playing catch up over so many things that I needed to do.
As I was preparing the soup, I listened to Chip Ingram’s podcast. The message was right smack with my state of life. And I believe, to many people.
In the midst of business, what happened to Sabbath?
He asked, if you’ve ever said this to your friends, ‘Yeah, we’ll meet for coffee, one day.’Or you keep putting things off. You are heading for trouble.
My confusion point is- I have been hearing people saying you’ve gotta give your all, you’ve gotta push, you’ve gotta work like mad. (Oh, more so if you are in ministry).
So I struggled.
It’s not like I’m not enjoying it. I love the purpose behind what I do.
But really, I find the pace to be very tight.
I want to know why?
Is it a competency issue? Is it a tasks overload issue?
Is it I’m not relying on God enough?
All I know is, when I take my time to cut the vegetables for the soup, listening to the podcast, and then put the gurgling pot into the thermos, I felt very satisfied. Satisfied to prepare a hot home-cooked meal to feed the family.
I love the purpose of my ministry work. But I yearn to love more about being able to invest my time to care about people by action, not only in thoughts.
I don’t want to postpone calling up a friend who just lost her dad.
I don’t want to be anxious how long a tele-conversation will be if I call up my aunts.
I want to be able to spend time with people and listen to their story.
But I’m swamped. Barely have time to quiet down and hear my soul.
Thank God my time with God is being restored since last week. Started doing my quiet time again regularly.
I don’t want to be so busy that I missed out on life & people. But it just seems that not knowing how to juggle my work resulted it being quite insistent on pushing them out.
Time with family, juggle. Time to exercise, struggle. Time for God, juggle. Time for self, muffle. I feel like the balls I’m juggling keeps on spinning & increasing, that if anyone just add one little request and throw in another ball, I’ll drop all of them.