The Lord gives strength to the weary

Ran out of steam by running on my own strength. The invitation from the Lord has always been open to me, to go to Him. I didn’t take it seriously, not fully, anyway.

How does it feels like to drop everything at His cross, and follow His lead?


I was presented with this verse, right smack at the beginning of the war movie, Hacksaw Ridge; a true story of an American army medic, Desmond Doss, whose beliefs convicted him to not kill, nor use a rifle…even in the war.

But those who wait for the Lord [who expect, look for, and hope in Him]
Will gain new strength and renew their power . Isaiah 40: 31 AMP

Here I am waiting, abide in me, I pray
Here I am longing for You
Hide me in Your love, bring me to my knees
May I know Jesus more and more

God, I want to know You more. I need to know You more. I want it to be real in my heart. Lord, I want that kind of conviction to depend on the unshakable You.


They will run and not grow weary; they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:31 NIV

Come live in me all my life, take over
Come breathe in me, I will rise on eagle’s wings

Lord, help me to have that kind of faith to let You take the lead in my life.
calligraphy: grief

365 days calligraphy challenge: follow your heart

‘I want to swim again’

said my late mum to her oncologist when at her stage-4 cancer, he asked what is it that she wants to do (to encourage her). Fight she did, but she never got the chance to go into the pool ever again.

What is it that you want to do even if it’s just a simple thing—but you are giving yourself excuses not to?

Or, are you questioning ‘does it matter to do what I’m doing?’

I question myself many times about my role in the church office. I question my blogging; writing about God. I question myself even over this 365 daily word thingy. Does it matter? Will it make a difference to other people?
Hubs told me, ‘Even if you do it, you may not know in your lifetime whether it will matter. But if you don’t do it, you will NEVER know and will live with this niggling thought. Maybe even at your death bed; regret.’

So.
Swim.

#day3 #dailyword #dailycalligraphy #noregrets #makeadifference #365

Let go, let God

God’s perfect timing to the start of my inner healing journey.

Weird how an ugly haircut triggered a series of events…

I wanted to save money on a haircut, so I did something completely out of character. Instead of going to my trusted hairdresser, I took a risk and went to trim my hair at an express hair cut outlet. I walked out looking like I’m about to go to prison. I dread having to face people. #vain

That brought to the surface (weirdly)—years of gunk which I haven’t dealt with but need to.

So, I Whatsapp my pastor and told him these three things:

  1. I’m drained physically and mentally.
  2. I’m furious, cynical, bitter, and resentful. I want to get out from this prison—I don’t know how.
  3. Yes. I still can do my work. But I need space and flexibility to work from home. To sort things out away from the routine of forcing myself to go into the office—and face the increased toil of ‘behaving’ in public when instead, I felt like crashing.

My pastor without further questioning said yes, please go ahead. He understood my situation. #grateful

So I did the responsible thing and informed my team about the temporary plan that I will be in and out of the office more often. I didn’t dive into details. I think they sorta know I’m going through sh*t.


Today, I packed my laptop and stepped out of the office. Felt blur and directionless. Although I wasn’t leaving the office permanently, I felt sad. I asked, now what? I don’t know how to move forward. I don’t have any planned counselling.

There’s a ministering course which I wanted to go to receive inner healing for all these knots and mess, which I’ve been trying so hard to untangle but failed. The course, however, was fully booked until November. I questioned myself, how the heck am I going to get some handles to sort things out; now that I have carved the time to do so.

I started to doubt whether this new routine is worth to do, coz it’s more comfortable to go back to the old routine and plough through work and life. Like I always do.

But I have a hunch that—I can’t go on like this. I need to create space in my life. Space to do what, though, I don’t know. So, I took steps to do so, without knowing what’s next.

Then. In a matter of a few hours, I received news that one person pulled out of the ministering course, and I have the spot, would I want to join? Would I want to join?? Would I want to eat ice-cream on a blistering, hot day? I signed up immediately.

I don’t have to wait until November, coz God knows…(Yeah, He knows!) I only have to wait 1.5 days for the 2-day course to commence.


I don’t know what will happen during or after the ministering course. Would I be in so much emotional pain that I’ll feel like dying? I have been avoiding facing the pains full-on as I’m not sure that I can take it. What would I unearth?

What I do know is—God’s timing. It’s perfect, just like Him—He orchestrated my stepping away from the office and into this (scary) journey. And He loves me so, warts and all. He will walk me through this.

And these are all I need to know for now.⁠⁠⁠⁠

Decide your life, or life will decide for you

Life is much like going to the gym. The most painful part is deciding to go.- Robert T.Kiyosaki

Don’t get so caught up &  ‘busy’ that we forget to think. Decide where you’d like to go, what to do. Indecision by itself is also a decision. Either we make our decision, or life will make the decision for us.