Emotionally unhealthy spirituality aka emotionally screwed. 

So a colleague and I chatted over coffee about le daughter, but another topic popped out instead—he said, by me saying that ‘I compartmentalised whatever I’m going through in order to focus on doing my work’; I may be emotionally unhealthy. 

I looked back at my life and I did detect a pattern—I will force myself to function when all I wanna do is to crawl into a hole and break apart. 

Another pattern is—a lot of going through struggles on my own not knowing who to turn to, apart from God.

I’ve been fed this principle of ‘always go to God first before you go to others’.

Let God work it through. Don’t wanna be this emo person sucking out time & energy from people.

I did that when my mom died from cancer, I did that when my heart was shredded into pieces by le daughter, I did that when life gets really crappy. 

What disturbed me about being emotionally screwed is that I’m going through it without realising. And that it is hindering me from being spiritually mature. 

So I wonder, is that where all the anger, irritability, and sarcasm is coming from? 

What I do know is, I sometimes have this feelings that I will brush aside as being irrational. a cry for help? Anyway! My colleague gave me this set of materials to help me. Well, I’m gonna go through the workbook for the next eight weeks and see how it goes. Emotionally Healthy Spirtuality

Three things that I’m most grateful for today—20 Oct 2016

1. The tiff with hubs before leaving for work.

Tiff—a petty quarrel, especially one between friends or lovers.

What is there to be thankful about in a petty argument? Well, the realisation that it’s petty. And stupid.
It’s over the same issue of my hubs lacking the built-in mechanism to give acknowledgement and affirmation, which is a love language of mine. Love language is ways that people speak and understand emotional love. We do have to learn our partner’s love language. Erm, it’ll bring more spark to the relationship, that I can tell you. But, the way I reacted to his lack of demonstration was so unnecessary. What a waste of energy!
So yeah, I hope I’ll react this way less.
Understand more about the 5 love languages and take a test to know what’s your (and your partner’s or kids) love language.

2. I witnessed someone accepting Jesus into her life.

I have the joy and privilege of witnessing a lady in her 50s saying a simple prayer and accepting Christ into her life today. As I know how my life had turned around when I get to know God; I witnessed today’s momentous occasion with a constipated-happy expression on my face. That, and trying hard not to cry many happy tears.

3. Spending intentional time with daughter.

Made appointment to catch up with her in the living room. Lol.
Not looking to do idle talk, but a meaningful conversation instead. You know what’s weird? It’s being with a person for almost 10 years, and this person turns into a teenager, and suddenly you are left wondering, hang on, who’s this?
I’ll still be playing the role of a parent, but I’ll leave the lecture out of the conversation. Hopefully, I can model what this article says about talking to a teenager.

Maybe I should get a beer to go with the conversation.

Three things that I’m most grateful for today—19 Oct 2016

Whoa, mama. When I came home tired and saw this, my brain raced through two responses:

  1. Curse (literally) and do the chores grumpily.
  2. Maintain composure and just do it. (Thanks, Nike)

God must have given me an extra dose of wisdom today as I chose option 2. Not a norm for me!

I whipped out Spotify and played my favourite worship songs as I worked through the pile of dishes…

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An eternity later…

When I can finally see the basin, I had my three most grateful things list for the day just from doing the house chores. Here goes:

1. I have a home to come home to.

(Trying to see the good in the situation). Dishes and meals to cook mean that I have people at home to care for. Ah, but of course, if there is someone else to do the dirty work, I’m a happy gal. Lol.

2. Our family help out each other.

We normally help each other out in washing the dishes, laundry, and taking out the trash, etc. Today is one of those days where I’m home late and on top of that, no one is around to help me.

3. Super thankful that I didn’t turn into a grouch…

…and spoil everyone’s mood. The cranky bug must be having its day off! This not being cranky means something special to me as my poor hubs & daughter normally will be at the suffering end of my grouch-mania. Yay!
Note: We give our closest family members our worst side sometimes, don’t we? Sigh. 🙁 *Repentful face.

But overall, a win for today! Thank you.

Outfit of the day

Three things that I’m most grateful for today—18 Oct 2016

Today is going down in the history of 2016 as one of my best days ever.

Outfit of the day

Goofing around after a colleague mentioned that my outfit matches the sofa cushion!

1. I experienced unexplainable joy today!

The difference between happiness and joy—happiness is derived from circumstances, things, and people; joy depends on none of that. Joy is that delight and peace which radiates from within. And I experienced that today! I did nothing different except that both hubs & I prayed & blessed each other in the morning. We’ve wanted to do this for a long time but never got round to cultivating the habit of praying together as a couple. Today we did, and I was blessed my socks off with this beaming, whistling, amazing peace kind of joy! Thank you, Lord!

2. You guys resonated with my article on The side effects of divorce!

Yesterday, I asked God ‘what shall I write about?’ And God used my anger and disappointment of my daughter’s bio-mom not sending her back as promised, to write about the lifetime consequences of divorce.

I received encouraging response from Facebook, Facebook Messenger, Whatsapp and even phone call. Some shared their experiences as the kid, and some shared as the divorced parent. I’m so touched and thankful when I read all the comments and encouragement. Thank you!

3. Our sponsor child wrote to us!

metrochildsponsorship

I kissed the letter and cried.

We are so privileged to be able to do something for two kids through Metro World Child.

Please find out more about how you can give one child a chance in life through your sponsorship of about USD30/month.

We can’t change the whole world, but we can make a difference in the world of one child.

Kids get hurt in a divorce

The side effects of divorce

This article is written for married couples in different stages of their marriage; rocky or otherwise. It’s not for those who are in an abusive marriage, a spouse who’s a serial gambler or cheater, etc.
It’s also for those of you who are thinking of getting married.


Let me begin with the lamest duh-mest statement: Divorce is not pretty.
Of course, it’s not pretty, one would say. Breaking up is painful, and it’s a bloody mess. But after the divorce, it should be a happier future, right?

Well…for some of us who haven’t experience living the mess; months on, years on, I will attempt to share a glimpse of life after divorce.

First up, let me clarify, I ain’t divorced. My husband is. I married a divorcee with the sole custody of his beloved daughter.

Secondly, this is a reflection of my personal experience. If you are living a happily-ever-after unscarred life after divorce, I’m happy for you.

With that said, let’s dive into the most important message of this article:

The consequences of a broken family last a lifetime.

Let me repeat, l-i-f-e-t-i-m-e.
Lifetime.
Lifetime.
Lifetime.

If you don’t read on, just remember the above statement.


Here’re the side-effects of divorce which I’m still dealing with after almost ten years, and on a regular basis.

In no particular order:

  1. Trying to reduce the pain of the divorce for my step-daughter with more love, but.
  2. Daughter is tired of going back & forth two houses.
  3. Daughter is coping with having no say in bio-mum & dad’s plans in moving her around.
  4. Daughter misses bio-mum and misses dad, but they are not together. Torn.
  5. Me trying hard not to feel rejected, but.
  6. Handling the backlash that surfaced from years of the daughter being shuffled back & forth her dad & bio-mum.
  7. Getting angry at bio-mum for regularly not keeping to her words of sending daughter back on days that she said she would, but.
  8. Feeling helpless when bio-mum insists on her plans and we can’t confront her because we don’t want daughter to be caught in-between.
  9. Learning to suppress disappointment when we made plans with daughter but bio-mum decided on a whim not to send her back.
    (So you think it won’t be complicated to arrange for your kids to be shuffled over the weekends, or holidays to see the other parent?)
  10. Me feeling like an idiot when husband talks with daughter and the word ‘mummy’ came up and to the eaves-dropper, that word is obviously not referring to me.
  11. Daughter during her tender age of seven comes home from seeing her bio-mum and cries her heart out because she misses her. And there’s NOTHING I can do to take that pain away.
  12. People making statements to me like ‘oh, she’s not your daughter, is it?’
  13. People making statements to me like ‘why don’t you have one of your OWN? It’s different, you know.’
  14. People asking ‘does she like you’?
  15. People ‘advising’ me as a stepmum to leave the raising and disciplining of the child to the father.
  16. Mother-in-law said a few years back ‘when daughter grows up; she will go back to her mother’.
  17. I’m scarred. Still not able to rub those statement off my mind.
  18. Me feeling that because there is no bloody umbilical cord, we may not have that kind of bond as mother & child.
  19. Whenever I chose to believe otherwise, statement 12-16 came back to haunt me.
  20. Rinse & repeat.

My ultimate pet peeve is the naivety of parents thinking (hoping?) that their kids will be fine eventually.
Yes, they cope.
No, they are affected and will be for the rest of their lives.
And so will your life.

Please give your marriage a fighting chance. 


Note: Item #9 happened today. I was angry. Not at the situation per se, but angry at how the world makes divorce a norm; to end what can be reconciled. So it prompted me to write this article.

I’ve Snapchatted and asked the permission of my daughter if I can share this post because I don’t want to embarrass her. She said yes—it would help other families. And ended her message with I love you, and I miss you. My darling daughter, I will always love you. 


18 Oct 2016—I’ve received good response and comments not only on Facebook but Whatsapp and Facebook Messenger as well. Thank you to everyone who took the effort to comment. It encouraged our family. If you think the article will be helpful to someone out there, feel free to share it. Never know who may need it and read it. God bless.

Gratitude list 17 Oct 2016

Three things that I’m grateful for today—17 Oct 2016

1. A pleasant experience at the dental clinic.

I went for a dental check-up today. Haven’t seen my dentist for two years after she moved on from working for a dental clinic to starting her own practice.

I always remembered her as a caring, gentle, and competent dentist—something which you want for a typical scary trip to the dentist! So when I need to get my pearly not-so-whites checked, naturally I’ll think of checking out her clinic.

As I waited for my turn, I observed my surroundings. Look at the deco—you sort of know that the dentist is one who cares about the patient when the clinic looks pleasant like this.


I also observed how friendly and courteous the front-desk assistant is. A sign of a happy employee and a good employer.

Check out Toothie Dental Facebook page here.

2. Discovered a simple way to ease neck pain

While waiting at the dentist, I chanced upon some copies of Reader’s Digest. I saw this little physical therapy tip to ease neck pain (no thanks to frequent use of mobile phone). ease neck pain physical therapy
I’m gonna try the therapy this evening and hope to get some relief!

3. Turned off the alarm clock at 7:30 am…

…and slept in an additional one hour on a day off. Woke up with no sign of tiredness in the body. No grogginess from oversleeping either. The feeling is amazing! The tension in the body left. No heaviness in the head. No anxious knot inside from to-do list to be checked off. Just-felt-so-happy.

Told hubs that today would be a lazy day. Almost afraid that this kind of restedness will evaporate. Too precious to let go!

The wonders of sufficient good sleep. So simple but yet I kept depriving myself of it every day. It’s just not the same to ‘catch up on sleep on the weekends’, isn’t it?

Do you have the same experience too? Share your comments below.