But, life must go on. This is how I need to exhibit self-control in front of people, especially at work.
While I’m struggling with these, I struggle with God.
In your anger, do not sin. Let go, let God.
These rage, these sense of injustice, these wanting to burst into tears in public, these loneliness of not knowing who to talk to, who can I trust not to judge? And this thought of I should first deal with this with God, and not run to other people. But, I’m having trouble keeping calm and acting as normal as possible. It’s like this darkness trying to fill up the white space, and it feels good to let it be. Yet, I know I must stand guard and not let the Devil have a foothold of my weakness.
It is so easy to become discouraged when there is no obvious change in a situation, or the person you have been trying to help seems to get worse. This verse says keep going, tempting as it is to give up, and, eventually, you will reap a harvest.
“God, I’m here because I can’t do life without You, it’s too hard… it’s impossible.“
Background to this journal entry: I went on my first personal retreat earlier this year to carve the space for an uninterrupted time to reflect, and to seek God for directions in my life. I wanna be unstuck as I felt that I’ve reached a roadblock with ‘my progress in life.’