I still can feel…

I miss you terribly Mummy.
I still can hear your voice saying ‘ love love you’ to me

I still can smell your familiar sweet smell

I still can feel your soft hands as I held them

I still can feel your eyelashes as I kiss both your shut eyes

I still can feel the warmth of your lips when I kiss them

And I still can feel the coldness of your lips as I kissed them after your last breath.

Goodbye mummy. Till we meet in Heaven, I love you forever.

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If I know this would be the last

If I know this would be…
The last time I kiss you

The last time I smell your hair

The last time I hear you say, love love you

The last time you smile

The last time you laugh

The last time we walk hand in hand along Gurney

The last time you call my phone

I would have say everything I need to say to you when you still can respond to me

If I know this would be the last… Is a terrible thing to say, and a terrible feeling to have.

All road leads to grief

22.11.2012 10:14am
I think I can understand why people get angry in challenging situations.

It’s one of the defense mechanism.

It’s an ‘easier’ feeling than to face the knife cuts of your heart.

Get angry, blame someone, blame God.

But where does that leads to?

Grief

In those times, who then can you rely on? But God and God alone.

So I chose not to entertain anger. I pray that I don’t fall into the devil’s trap.

Peace in the center of my storm

22.11.2012 8:54am

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Whenever I take my eyes off you,
The problems in front of me gets too big.
It consumes me.
It rips my heart apart.
It despairs, it rages,
It brings me down to my knees in defeat.

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When I determinedly choose to focus on You above,
The centre of my storm is always peace.
Quiet assurance.
Dear Lord, I’m on my knees because of my adoration.

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Only You Jesus, are capable of making the heart of the storm the most peaceful part.
In my pain, I thank you that You allow me to taste the wonders of the Almighty God’s loving heart.

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Huddling together in a social storm

A beautiful article on hurricane Sandy and its impact on life- written by Anand Giridharadas, The International Herald Tribune
Here’s an excerpt:
Diners were looking at each other, not their phones; they were tossing conversation one table to another; boundaries were falling.

They had gas in their kitchen, wax in their candles and a dwindling supply of meat. They had the whole family there, kids and all, serving. They knew they were among the very lucky ones for whom the storm was not a disaster, but a strange kind of miracle.

Read more

Respirator

I wrote this during one difficult night praying to be able to go to sleep as I need to drive a 4 hours journey back to Penang.
I really felt like this- on a respirator, keeping me alive with precious oxygen. And I can hear my breathing.

As I lay on my bed trying to sleep,
Watching the clock ticking by,
I realized that its getting harder and harder,
to quiet the cries I have inside.

Knowing that I can lose my mom at anytime,
With many things that I’ve yet to do for her in her lifetime,
cuts me with despair;
as I lay defeated,
similiar to a fish gasping for air.

An image of myself down on the ground I see,
and the only thing that’s helping me breathe;
Is The Word of God,
the Holy Spirit,
my Father,
my Lord,
my Jesus-
the Holy Trinity.

He is the respirator coursing through my veins
keeping my spirits alive
in a steady hum
and with assuring beats,
breathing life into me.

Innovate- Air Asia

One of my favorite innovative company. Ahh… Can’t believe this can happen. Even in business class you too can’t escape the 15 hours crying baby flight.But it seems like Air Asia can.

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Not against babies or crying, it’s their nature. But when you are in an airplane…

I got that experience on board Klm from Amsterdam to Kl. At the end of the flight, I don’t know who is more frazzled, the other passengers or the parents.

Sidney Mohede Slalu Bersamaku

This song is on my playlist non-stop.
Amazingly beautiful song. You can feel the pain of the experience yet the assurance and comfort of God at the same time.

It was indeed aptly written when he was going through a difficult season in his life.

As I’m too, going through now.

Only the Lord can comfort the deepest pain in our heart.

My first poem

Never thought I’m a person who would write a poem, but there you go. Inspired by the love of God.

As I lay on my bed
I think of days passed by
And I thank you Lord
For Your guidance on how to live my life

Grace, kindness, love
And joy in my heart
This You impart

Shrewd as a serpent
Innocent as a dove
What a concept!
That only can come from the heavens above!

Allow me to be your humble servant
Show me the way
To use your gifts to me
And serve others in Your glorious ways.

I thank you Father
For it could only be You
Who can change my heart
And let me live my life anew.