I reckon my blog could win ‘The most visually boring blog’ award coz I’m really too darn lazy to search for pictures to spice up my entry. Actually acting upon the crazy little voices in my head and writing them down is already a huge leap for me.
Today, today. As I was sitting on the living room floor, lights dimmed, beer chilling (er, is it human, can beer be chilling?!) in the fridge, listening to Leslie Cheung (yes, cannot meh); I stretched my old woman’s aching back. From a cross legged sitting position, stretch upper back down with arms in front reaching the floor. (No, I’m not teaching yoga). As my hands touched the floor, I gave my lower back a deeper stretch, and instinctively closed my eyes to enjoy the stretch, ugh. But, lo & behold, Melinda surprised Melinda when her eyes starts to shut tightly, a gush of tears were fighting to escape!
Taken aback, I sprang up blinking, what the hell was that?? I took a few deep breath to calm down. And again, the darn floodgates tried to prise open and let the weird tears gush out. I’m like going m*ther f***er!- as how I always am when I’m threaten, yes, that’s how grown up I am. What the @#^% was that Mel??
It’s a combi of business worries, work backlog, my yet to be successful planning & gift hunt for darling hubby’s birthday this Thursday (I’m so dead), and to top it off- found out daughter is telling her persistent lies about her school work again & again & again, angelic face & all but telling you lies without blinking her eyes. All rolled into a day, compounded from days, weeks, months.
Sometimes I think, damn it! I have to learn to step up, and not let things get out of perspective that much. If not, what am I, a rag doll easily flung with the slightest movement??
You think you are ok, then you are not. Then you are, then you are not again. I guess that’s (business) life & life. Only pig headed me forgot about nature’s logic, and kept fighting against it.
Well, it’s still some journey till I live up to my self-given warrior name – The Wind. (from one of the best seminar I’ve attended that opened my eyes to life & soul). That name came to me as I want to be that, as gentle as I want to be and flow with it or as powerful as I want to be and make things happen.
Till then, there’s always my perfectly chilled Anchor in the fridge waiting for me. Perfect companion to loneliness. Ahhh…